The Sailor's Stories

2074 Chapter twenty eight – Book II

with 16 comments

By mid afternoon, Corey’s mind had done an astounding number on itself. So much so, to his adolescent way of thinking, the only way he could describe it was a complete and total ‘mind fuck’.  Now normally, being the resilient teenaged boy that he was, he could have quite easily dealt with being metaphorically bent over and taken, but this wasn’t the usual “take a deep breath, let’s experiment” kind of metaphor. This was the “angry euro-porn, leather and straps, with very little preparation” kind and that was something he was totally ill-equipped to deal with. As far as he was aware, it had started just after that awful and awkward moment at breakfast, or at least, that’s when he first noticed it. But from that point on, there had been a steady slow, somewhat insidious build up throughout the rest of the day. At first, it was nothing more than a slow confused simmer, but all too soon it had become a life-changing boil of weird wonderful and yes even somewhat scary thoughts in his head. So much so, he’d found that by lunchtime and surprisingly again, he had shown very little appetite, was when he realized that he just couldn’t keep his head straight any longer.

Finally, but only after several hours of swirling it around and around, turning it this way and that, so could get a good look from all sides, he thought he could once and for all see it for what it was. Of course, that didn’t really help him at the time, because the only thing Corey could take away from all that thinking, was that he was now facing the biggest, most mind-blowing dilemma he had yet faced in his young life. Interestingly enough, it was while rolling those new and startling balls of weirdness fueled self-realizations around in his head, as he was doing now, when he decided that it wasn’t the complete un-assuredness of the moment, or even the dilemma itself, for some strange reason which bothered him, well not yet anyway. What really bothered him, was where those thoughts might lead and what would happen when he got there. What really wasn’t helping the situation any further, was that no matter how hard he tried to take his mind off of what was going on in there and what he now knew he was feeling, he just couldn’t and to make matters worse, for the first time in his life, he had absolutely no idea what to do about any of it.

As far as he was concerned up until that very moment, a moment when everything could quite easily and irrevocably have change forever, Corey was no different than any other teenaged boy. Life for him was always pretty simple; girls, food, the self pleasure he thoroughly enjoyed, sports and yes even school sometimes. Nothing much at all changed from day to day and just like his uncle, over time Corey had formed many and varied routines to get him through those days. Primarily this consisted of and he was sure was not too dissimilar from any other teenaged boy; wake, spank, shower, breakfast, school, lunch, school, spank, dinner, maybe homework if he was feeling generous, spank, bed and if he was feeling particularly frisky, spank again. There were of course, as with anything else, little caveats to this routine, but for the most part, this was the basic framework with which he and probably every other boy, straight or gay, in the world and for all time made up his day, simple and easy. Even when Dale had come out to him, sure he was shocked and had to get away to think about it, but even then, that startling news wasn’t quite enough to upset his by then well-established routine for more than an hour or two. The thing was and this was particularly relevant right at that moment, in the end, he realized that he had always known anyway and besides, the shock of it notwithstanding, it didn’t change the way he thought about his brother in the least, so as far as he was concerned, what difference did it make? This time though, he had nothing and that did bother him, more than he ever wanted to admit.

Right then, Corey felt so totally alone, even though he clearly wasn’t, as though he was adrift on the raging teenage hormone fuelled seas of uncertainty. But at the same time, he almost felt as if he was an unwilling  captive, held against his will within the confines of his own mind and to him, that was a little more than unsettling. Mostly only because, there were some things in there, thoughts feelings and images, he’d thought long since buried and forgotten, but were far too close to the truth that he was battling so hard to stay away from right now. A battle he was most certainly losing and because of it, he simply couldn’t concentrate on anything he was doing. So when the baseball sailed over his head for the third time, since he and Tyler had started playing with Dale and Carl, he felt an unerring need to escape for a minute.

The whole scene at the breakfast table had well and truly blown over by that point, as far as the boys were concerned, although Tyler was still at times, showing signs of being a little cautious and withdrawn around the others. To be honest, no one who knew any of the boys, would have been surprised that, even with how preoccupied he was, Corey had still noticed the current state of his friend. Noticed how hesitant he was at times, yet how outgoing and comfortable he was at others, sometimes a little too comfortable. Even that wasn’t enough to bother him, happy that his friend and his family were getting on so well together, what did bother him though, was how he was feeling about, well, everything. Waking up next to Tyler had been different, nice and he was certainly starting to feel something for the guy, but what exactly was he feeling, was it love? Was he falling for Tyler? Could he actually be into boys, like his brother? Was he gay? Or was he just into one boy? These were the thoughts applying extreme pressure to his mind and the main reason why he had to get away for a moment, for no other reason than just to clear his head and think this through. Bathroom maybe? He thought was a good idea and made some half hearted excuse about needing to go after the mammoth meal they had all just eaten, even though everyone present knew that he hadn’t eaten anywhere near as much as he usually did.

There’s always been something very comforting. about the warmth you get from another body, he decided while sitting on the bowl in his private bathroom some minutes later. Especially, when that body just so happens to be nestled tightly against your own, snuggled close under the covers. Maybe it’s one of those many parts which make up the human condition, the ones that make all of us whole. But then again, maybe there’s some other greater force at play, who really knows? What is certain however, is this, no matter how you go to sleep, when there is two people in the same bed, girl or boy it doesn’t really matter, those two bodies will invariably end up together. Gravity probably does play some part in it, but it’s more likely, or at least nicer to believe, that those two bodies just simply search out for each other. Almost as an instinctive thing, one body or both looking for that extreme level of warmth, shelter and protection, that the other can provide. Was that it? He wondered, was he just trying to protect the guy? Funny how the mind, or in this case specifically the subconscious mind, works sometimes, because of course, while you’re sleeping, you are completely oblivious to the situation at hand anyway.

Much to his startled amusement, that wasn’t the only situation to which a hand was dealing with right then either, as Corey looked down to find himself in mid stroke, while he had been deep in thought. Although mildly disturbing, at the same time it did feel good, so once again and just like any other teenaged boy would do in this situation, he kept going. Instinct had probably started him off, or thoughts of how good it felt to sleep with someone again. But, once he’d caught himself and those good feelings started to flash through him like fireworks on the fourth of July, all he could think of, was just keeping up the steady rhythm he’d developed.  Continuing  to ponder, wondering where he might end up, some minutes later, he was back on that same line of thought as before. Whatever your waking thoughts and feelings on the matter may be, he realized, they have no sway when you’re asleep. In fact, as far as the subconscious is concerned, warmth and comfort, is warmth and comfort, it doesn’t care where it comes from, right up until you first start to wake up. This is especially the case, when your bed partner is still fast asleep. Where before, you were just two bodies enjoying the comfort and fit of one another, now that you’ve started to move for the first time, the other body will always try to tighten their grip. Whether it’s out of some fear at the possible loss of that same comfort, or for some other reason, there really is no way to tell, but what Corey did know, is that this is often where the awkwardness of the moment comes in. The outcome however, be it bad or good, depends completely on the level of comfort in the relationship to begin with.

Although somewhat surprised, at the time, he wasn’t even slightly perturbed about finding Tyler in his arms, though for a moment, he was a little concerned about how it was making him feel at the time. He definitely felt a deep sense of connection with the boy, probably brought on by the comfort they were both providing each other, but was there something else there? That thought alone was quite probably what brought about the slow drawn out moan which escaped his tightly pursed lips a moment later, as an image of Tyler’s lightly tanned and silky smooth arm draped unconsciously, but with what could only be love over his chest, flittered across his minds eye. Sighing deeply, at the remnant of that image and the start of so many more from the previous night, Corey’s rhythm considerably picked up the pace and from that point on there was no stopping himself. Like the rush of water after a dam has been broke, other images washed through his mind, but what finally tipped him over the edge, was when he remembered vividly the electric like feel of static energy as Tyler’s silky smooth skin rubbed up against his chest and a soft, but deep, slow moan resonated from somewhere deep inside him and his strokes increased speed again. When Corey had woken up that morning, he thought he was terminally straight. But now, with his skin tingling all over with the ghost feelings of Tyler rubbing up against him, the warmth they’d shared and the sheer pleasure rocketing through his young body as he reached the release point, he was no longer completely sure.

Surprisingly, although now even more confused than ever, Corey found that he wasn’t at all bothered by that fact. Sure, he had never actually fantasized about another boy, but there is a first time for everything and he simply couldn’t deny the power of his most recent and messy orgasm. He was certainly comfortable around other boys, even sleeping with them in the same bed. After all, the sheer amount of times he’d crawled into his brother’s bed or vice versa over the years, kind of meant he’d simply never really gotten to the point where it might have bothered him. Thinking back on it now, he realized that if he was as straight as he thought he was, there were times between them that it probably should have bothered a supposedly straight boy. To Corey though, those times were just brothers helping each other out, as they grew older and started to develop and as far as he was concerned, had been just as natural as the sun rising in the morning. Almost as natural as something else that had also risen that particular morning, to go along with the very slow boil of embarrassment and a pressure, with which he felt because of it. Mind you, the soft wisps of hot breath, tickling the downy fuzz like hair on his bare chest, probably had a lot to do with it too, which is probably how he had managed to write it off in the first place. All in all though, he was certainly not uncomfortable with the situation, as it stood right then, but he did know, that he was going to have to do something about it and soon. For the moment though, he was content to just sit there, backed up slightly against the cistern, catching his breath in the age old state of post-orgasmic bliss.

Once he was fully recovered and having cleaned up his mess, he decided he needed to talk to someone about what he was feeling, because he needed some good advice. So he went in search of the one person he knew he could talk to about anything, the one person he knew he could always turn to and the one that he usually went to first when he was in trouble, his brother. As far as Corey was concerned, this wasn’t an indictment on his uncle, or even recently Danny as well, he knew either of them would have done anything to help him, this was simply a thing he had always done and he didn’t see any reason to change that fact. If truth be told, this is what they had always done since they were very little and probably more so because they were twins, the boys had always turned to each other first for the guidance they needed. Sure, a lot of those times that guidance was simply to tell one or the other to go and see their parents and then later, their uncle. But they were first and foremost brothers, a team and that’s what teams do, they look out for each other.

On his way out the door a few minutes later, he got an odd look followed by a knowing smirk from Carl, who was on his way inside, probably due to the change of shirt, he thought, as he went in search of his brother. A search which didn’t take too long, because almost as soon as he stepped off of the veranda, he spotted Dale sitting in one of his favorite spots under a big elm in the middle of the lawn. It was a very good spot, he decided after a moment’s reflection on the walk over and having sat down next to his brother, relatively cool, not to mention the wide overhanging branches, providing plenty of shade from the sun’s heat.

“Where did the others go?” Corey asked, after looking around for a bit.

“Carl had the same idea as you I think, he was here, up until a few minutes ago and Tyler went to talk to uncle Cam about something not long after you left, he’s down by the boat, see?” Dale said, pointing towards the pier. “You ok dude, you were gone for a while?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, just got a lot on my mind today.”

“Really? That’s not like you…” Dale replied teasingly, the smirk on his face almost successful in lifting the sudden heavy mood.

“Shut up dickhead!” Corey spat back at him, but with a soft chuckle of his own, belying how it actually sounded.

“Seriously though dude, you should have been here earlier, it was so funny, Tyler was teasing Carl so bad, it was like he was trying to seduce him or something.”

“What?” Corey replied, shock evident in his voice.

“Dude, seriously?” Dale asked. “Don’t tell me you hadn’t noticed Tyler flirting with Carl, he’s been doing it all day, don’t get me wrong, it was subtle and kinda cute in a way, especially when he’d make my boy blush… I mean, I don’t think he was actually serious or anything, but it was really funny.”

“What if he was serious? Aren’t you worried about that, or angry?”

“Nope, why would I be?” Dale answered with complete assurance. “Besides, it might be good for Carl to try someone else for a change, you know? Like a comparison.”

“Dude that’s pretty weird, aren’t you worried he might like it more with someone else?”

“Shit bro, for the ‘boy of the world’ you pretend to be, you can be pretty dense sometimes.” Dale replied, with a sense of mirth that almost belied how he actually felt. “Of course it worries me, but he’s only been with me and although he definitely seems happy, I do sometimes wonder, besides, if that’s what he wants, I’d rather know about it, I love him, I trust him.”

“Dude, that’s still kinda weird though, you know?”

“Actually no, not when you think about it, and besides, I know he wouldn’t anyway, and even if he did, he’d come straight back to me, because he loves me.”

“If you say so.”

In all fairness, Corey was a little taken aback by his brother’s apparent cavalier attitude, not that he actually knew what the word cavalier meant, and kind of withdrew a little from the conversation. Then out of nowhere and for some reason that he couldn’t quite fathom, his body started mimicking his mind, as it pulled ever further into itself. Looking on, this was probably the point where Dale’s ‘Twin-sense’ sparked up and he started to worry. Corey definitely wasn’t acting like himself, that much was obvious, but Dale could feel there was something else there. So much so, that he was starting to think there was really something wrong, because for right now at least, gone was the cock-sure attitude and the brash exterior. His brother was laid completely bare and what he was looking at now, was more akin to the scared little boy they both had been so many years ago. Dale was the type of person who trusted their feelings implicitly, especially when they concerned his brother, so even though he desperately just wanted to reach out and take hold of his brother, in the hope of providing some of the same reassurance that Corey had done for him many times, he could feel that Corey didn’t want that yet, but it took everything he had to fight against that urge.

For his part, Corey wasn’t at all sure what to make of his brother’s revelation and in all honesty, it threw his mind for a bit of a loop. As far as he was concerned, a relationship was just that and it definitely only involved two people. Of course, it didn’t matter to him whether those two people were the same sex, or different sexes, after all, it would be a little hypocritical of him if it had. Again Corey’s young mind was in turmoil and by the point where he recognized that fact, he noticed what his body had been doing, so intent was he, on his inner self. In fact, it wasn’t until that brief moment of reflection, that he found he’d pulled his legs up and was hugging them against his chest, while idly massaging his fingers. Certainly not the way he normally portrayed himself and that scared him a little. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been like that, because as far as he was concerned he’d only paused for a moment, not out of any kind of dramatic effect, but so that he could gather the strength to say what he needed to say next. Unbeknownst to him, that moment had stretched out for several minutes and when he looked over at Dale, he was more than a little shocked to see the deep look of concern on a face that was easily a mirror of his own.

“Dude, you look scared shitless, what is it, what’s wrong?” The level of worry between them now a palpable thing. “I know we haven’t been as close as we used to be lately, but you’ll always be my brother and I’ll always love you and have your back, always. You can ask me anything, tell me anything, you know that.”

“I do need to talk to you about something.” Started Corey, but for some reason the rest of the words wouldn’t come out.  “Fuck! This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be, I… fuck it! I’m starting to feel things I never thought I would…”

“Things like what?”

“Things like I used to feel about Sam, things like I’m starting to feel about T-Tyler.”

“Oh, I see… do you remember when we used too…” Dale started to say.

“Don’t bro, that really isn’t helping.” Corey snapped, but immediately checked himself. “Sorry dude, that was uncool.”

“It was, but it’s okay. You did enjoy it though, if I remember…” Dale continued.

“Yeah, I did and so did you, so what’s your point?”

It took only a moment for Dale to decide what to do next and in the age old fashion of taking the metaphorical bull by the horns, he gave into his urge to comfort his brother, by reaching over and pulling him into himself. How they ended up, was Corey sitting between Dale’s legs, resting his back against his brother’s chest, while Dale’s arms wrapped around him in a loving embrace. Once they were settled, both boys started to feel a little better, such was the love between the two boys, even if it had atrophied a little over the last year, it had been and always would be there.

“My point, is what does it matter?” Dale finally said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “What does it matter if you fall for a boy or a girl, love is love bro.”

“But I’m the straight one, remember?”

“Are you?” Dale asked, pointedly but without any sense of accusation.

“I-I thought I was…” Corey answered, although the slight tremor in his voice and the lack of surety was very telling.

“Would it matter if you weren’t? Do you really think any of us would love you any less?” Dale countered.

Would it? Corey asked himself and then instantly knew the answer to that question, but still, even that knowledge really didn’t help him. He knew he liked Tyler and for the first time, he actually admitted to himself, that he liked Tyler more than any straight boy would, and he knew that Tyler liked him the same way, so what was he really afraid of? It certainly wasn’t rejection, so what was it? The loss of identity, perhaps?

“No, I guess not.” Corey finally replied. “But shit, this is just so confusing, I mean, I like him, a lot! But I like girls too… I dunno, I just don’t know what I want right now, I don’t even know what I am!”

“Look dude, seriously… Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, even asexual… They’re just words bro, they don’t actually mean anything.” Dale stated, but he as it turned out, he was just getting started. “So what if you like girls? And so what if you like boys or both even? You can label yourself all you want, but in the end and in my opinion, as long as you love like there’s no tomorrow and the person you love, loves you back just as much, who cares if they have a dick or not?”

“Shit bro!” Corey said, as he twisted and leaned back a bit to see into his brother’s eyes. “Have you been practicing that one for a while or what?”

“Fuck you!” Dale sniggered in reply, shoving Corey forward playfully. But it wasn’t until they came back together, Corey with his back against Dale’s chest again and Dale’s against the tree, that Dale continued. “Do you at least get what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Yeah I get it bro, I do, I just don’t know what I’m going to do about it yet.” Corey replied, then with a wicked cheeky grin. “Don’t think this means I’m gonna like shopping or show tunes though…”

With the ensuing laughter from that comment and an even tighter embrace, the conversation sort of died at that point, both boys deep in thought. All joking aside, Dale felt a deep sense of concern for his brother, knowing exactly how that particular decision making process could affect him, having gone through it himself. Corey, well Corey as he knew he would after talking with his brother, did feel considerably better, though no less confused, he just had a lot to think about.

*                      *                      *

Sitting back against the same small earthen bank, which he had sat at that morning just up from the beach, Tyler pulled his legs tightly against his chest and sighed heavily while watching the sun finally drop below the far off peaks of the mountain range surrounding the lake and forested vista stretched out before him. It was getting cooler out there, but he was still pretty used to ‘roughing it’ and besides, he had grabbed his hoodie from Corey’s room before taking his walk. That was no small feat either, because after his talk with Cameran, he really hadn’t felt like any company and in order to achieve this, he had had to sneak around the twins under the tree. Of course, it did help considerably, that they appeared to be deep in conversation at the time and probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway. He had been away for a long while longer than he probably should have been though, and had because of it, thought he’d heard the boys looking for him a little while ago. In his defense, he had already figured out that he should probably try to find Corey, or the others, but he just wasn’t ready for that kind of company yet.

All day he’d seen the grins or happy smiles on the other boy’s faces, while they messed around just doing boy stuff, the kind of activities he’d been craving for so long, but never had the chance to do anymore. At first the simple pleasure of it, throwing a baseball around, or swimming and splashing each other in the cool waters of the lake, had comforted him to a point, but at the same time, made him feel somehow sad, hollow, disconnected by the sheer power of their realism. Looking from the outside in, it was almost as if they were actually happy to have him around and not just pretending like most people did in his life. He wasn’t so sure though, he was never sure of much of anything anymore, if truth be told. Tyler wasn’t a cynic, or even a particularly pessimistic person, it was just that he’d been burned so often over the last few years, that if he really thought about it, he mostly expected the worst of anything in order to protect himself. Because, as far as he was concerned, at least that way, he would never be disappointed. As a person Tyler hadn’t started out that way, but ever since his mom died, he couldn’t deny how far down his life had gotten.

Earlier on in the day Tyler concluded, how wonderful it must be, to feel so unreserved around people and wished he could feel the same. For him, to be able to just let his guard down and be free to smile unrestrictedly, talk freely, to be able to feel the full gamut of his emotions without having to constantly keep them in check, even if just for an afternoon. That alone would have been a minor miracle worth praying for, but sadly, he just couldn’t allow himself that luxury. Deep down, Tyler knew he was forever broken, that there were parts of his psyche which could never be fully repaired. He was even starting to doubt whether or not, he would ever be able to let himself go like the other boys did and all because of the damage he’d suffered from what he’d seen and done, had gone way beyond his own ability to ever truly repair it. Just looking at these new friends he’d made outside of the life he lived, he knew without doubt, they were part of a world that he was no longer part of and would probably never again be able to understand. Tyler knew someday, that they would be able to look back at their childhood with a great deal of fondness, smiling at the sweet memories which they created together, while all he would be able to do would be to try and block out as much of his as he possibly could. As far as he was concerned, his reaction at the breakfast table earlier that morning was all the evidence he would ever need to prove this theory.

They just don’t have the pain that I do, well, Danny might, he thought to himself. They have no idea what it’s like to be so scared, so hopelessly helplessly terrified, that you can’t even breathe, let alone get up some mornings. As far as Tyler was concerned, they didn’t know what it was like to have your own inner voice cut you so deep that you bleed from your very soul. A pain so excruciating, that even tears don’t do any good when it comes to showing how totally and utterly destroyed you are inside. They have never had a parent, someone that should love you unconditionally, look you in the eye with such unbelievable fury, such hatred and disgust, that makes you feel more worthless, more ugly and more wretchedly unwanted than the lowest organism on the planet. The type of scum that you can only bring yourself to acknowledge long enough to let it know how much it makes you sick. They don’t know what it’s like to have your body become so weak and strained from the all of the abuse it receives daily, barely having enough time to heal before it gets attacked all over again. Tyler did, Tyler knew how that felt and because of what he knew, he was jealous of them. And that jealousy wasn’t deep down either, he was shamelessly, unapologetically envious of all they had. As far as he was concerned, if only he could have been more like them, if only he could have been as perfect and beautiful like them, with a loving parent like they had, his life wouldn’t have been such a damn disappointment.

Tyler was so disillusioned with life that, sometimes at night when he closed his eyes to go to sleep, he could feel how much his wreak of a life hurt all at once and he would wonder what it would be like to just close his eyes forever. To just fade away and leave this fucked up world to the demons which had made it that way and never be hurt by that pain again. He was thinking about that now, but this time, it was only subjectively, because this time, there was something like a light at the end of the tunnel. This time, he could almost feel some hope creeping in at the edges of his pain and it was all to do with what he and Cameran had discussed earlier. Like with Corey’s slow boil of sexual awakening, Tyler’s hope had simmered slowly to overflowing since his brief talk with Danny. So much so, that when Corey took off in such a hurry, he used that opportunity to find out more and find out he did.

Though he was still very uncertain about his role in Cam’s plan, having gone over it and gone over it in his head, he was starting to think it just might work, all he had to do now, was work out the details. Tyler was a smart kid and had seen enough cop shows that from the very beginning, he knew where Cam’s plan was headed. Of course, there was the small matter of having to reveal more about his way of life, than he was comfortable with at the time, but the more he talked with Cam the more comfortable he became and the more he was able to see the sincerity in what the older man was saying. For his part, all he had to do was gather information, be the ‘inside man’ as it were and Cam and Danny would do the rest. Tyler could do that, knowing he could easily gather everything he could about the ‘guests’ who occasionally frequented the place. He wasn’t entirely sure he could get his hands on any of the more ‘official’ records, but he had an idea of where they were kept, so he thought that was a definite maybe as well. Of course, when he’d brought that up, Cam had instantly admonished him to be careful and to not get himself into a situation where he could not easily get out of. Dutifully and on the surface, Tyler had listened closely to those warnings, but all the while, all he could think about was what would come after. In Tyler’s mind, that small seed of hope which Danny had planted earlier that morning and which Cam was now watering, was rapidly growing into something you could swing on.

“Are you okay? I’ve been looking for you for ages!” Corey said, as he dropped down beside his newest friend.

Through sudden fear and the extreme shock of being ripped from his thoughts, Tyler breathed heavily for a moment. Once he’d managed to bring his heart rate down to something approximating normal, he slowly nodded his head, before turning to look at Corey. Even though he had obviously been running around for quite some time looking for him, as far as Tyler was concerned, he still looked so completely cute and adorable. A thought which somewhat scared him, because he wasn’t privy to Corey’s mind at the moment and didn’t know that what he was feeling was actually mutual. Because the day had cooled off so much, Corey had changed into some warmer clothes, but to Tyler, he still looked perfect. He could only imagine what he must look like, his face was probably still slightly red, puffy and wet from the crying he’d done earlier. A complete mess probably, he realized and had to try hard to stop the sudden sob that was threatening to come out at that thought and in the end all he ended up doing was to make an even weirder sound. Out of sheer embarrassment, Tyler looked down at the ground and brought his knees up to chest, in a somewhat comically futile attempt to hide.

If truth be told, Corey probably would have laughed his head off right then, if it wasn’t for the deep concern he suddenly felt. Instead, what he did was to wrap his arm around the smaller body of the boy he was rapidly falling in love with and gently asked,  “You wanna talk about why you’re out here all by yourself?”

“I don’t think I can, not just yet anyway.” Tyler replied, after a moment.

“That’s okay. You know you can though, right?”

“I know and I will, but not yet, okay?” Tyler said, his voice breaking a little over the emotions he was feeling. He felt so safe right in that moment, wrapped up in those strong loving arms, a safety he hadn’t felt in a considerably long time. Which is probably how he found the courage to ask, “Why do you want to be my friend?”

“What?” Corey spluttered, more than a little stunned and confused. But kind of understanding why Tyler would ask that kind of question. “Um shit… Well, because I like you dude, because there’s something very, I don’t know, cool maybe? And sweet about you.”

Corey was struggling to truly say how he actually felt, he was not at all used to talking to another boy like this and he was suddenly and very uncharacteristically nervous. He knew what he wanted to say, he just couldn’t get the right words to come out. So much so, he was really starting to wish his brother was here, Dale, he knew, would know exactly what to say right now. What was worse, was that his current plight was becoming more and more obvious and physically obvious, to the point where it appeared that Tyler was actually starting to enjoy watching Corey squirm a little. That is, if the small smirk on the smaller boy’s face was anything to go by. It was now or never though and Corey had reached the point, that if he didn’t get out what he was feeling, he truly believed he would never get another chance.

“You don’t even know how cool you actually are do you? You come off as all shy and weak, but I know different.” Corey was staring at Tyler while he spoke and Tyler appeared as though he wasn’t breathing. “You just don’t know how great you are, I know you’ve been hurt before and I know what you’ve had to do to survive and that scares me, it scares me more than you’ll ever know because even though we’ve only known each other for a short time, I think… I think I’m falling in love with you and I just can’t bear the thought of ever losing you.”

Tears started to flow freely from Tyler’s eyes, at hearing those words, but this time they were tears of pure joy. But Corey wasn’t finished yet.

“You’re so strong but you don’t show it and you let people walk all over you and I don’t know why, but I know that if you won’t protect yourself, then I hope that you’ll at least let me do it.” To prove his point, Corey lifted his hand towards Tyler’s face and ever so gently pushed a stray look of his chocolate brown hair back behind his ear, before lightly stroking the soft skin of Tyler’s cheek on the way down with the back of his finger. “You don’t know how hard and yet easy this is for me to say, but you’re so sexy to me and I really doubt you know that.”

Corey paused for a moment, to look deep into Tyler’s eyes, eyes that were now unabashedly shedding a constant stream of tears. They weren’t sad tears though, they happy tears, even if they were still tinged with a little disbelief. For so long Tyler had wanted someone to say these kind of things to him, for so long he’d longed to feel the way he did in Corey’s arms. Corey wasn’t done yet, however.

“You have like the saddest and yet the most beautiful face in the world and I’m so sorry it took me this long to see it. I love your smile and your laugh, but I totally hate what’s happened to you, and I just want to hold you forever and maybe make it all better, but I know no matter what I do I can’t make it better, not yet anyway and that hurts, it hurts so bad. But I know that if you let me love you, then maybe together we can at least try…”

*                      *                      *

Later that night, after an extremely comfortable family dinner, the first Tyler had had in a very long time and a shared shower, Corey walked over to his bed and grabbed the television remote. He placed his pillows against the headboard and then spread his legs apart patting the space in between them indicating where Tyler should sit. For his part Tyler was obviously still a little gun-shy, not quite believing how lucky he was, when Corey had found him at the skate park and walked up to the bed hesitantly. He sat down between Corey’s legs and with a still slightly remaining sense of trepidation, leaned back. Tyler felt the warmth of Corey’s chest on his back and with the comfort of the slightly bigger boy’s arms wrapping around him, he began to relax while Corey flicked through the memory of the hard drive attached to his TV. Not finding anything worth watching, Corey decided to turn on some music instead, setting it to random and the first song to come on was an uncharacteristically soft melody. There was a bit of a soft beat to it though and to Tyler it sounded like a heartbeat. Tuning out the music, Tyler searched for his own and placed his ear to Corey’s chest, so he could listen to Corey’s soft slow breathing and steady heartbeat. It was amazing to hear another boy’s heart again, but better still to listen to the heart of the boy he loved, the one who was even after such a short period of time, starting to make him feel whole again. Listening to the soothing rhythm of his breathing, Tyler felt safe and as Corey placed his hand gently on top of his head, delicately running his fingers through Tyler’s hair, Tyler fell into the most blissful and carefree sleep he had ever known.



Written by bigct/Octavius

September 4, 2012 at 23:49

16 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Wow…. once again, you’ve done an awesome job!

    Lookin forward to reading more!


    September 6, 2012 at 06:50

  2. A breakthrough chpt! Thnx, big ct! Been looking forward to this moment for a while. i thoroughly enjoy
    you sharing your writing gifts with us. Anxious for the NEXT “installment”. Hugs..Vern


    September 7, 2012 at 04:56

  3. Yay! A new love. What a beautiful thing. I can’t imagine the roller coaster Tyler is going through. I’m still obsessed with your writing.

    Thanks Octavius. Hope you’re well!




    September 7, 2012 at 19:11

  4. Impressive, CT. Well worth the wait. Funny how love finds you just when you weren’t looking sometimes. Just what I needed after the week I had. I hope you are well. Summers coming for you- and going for me.


    September 8, 2012 at 12:48

  5. Fuck me……… wow is all i can say. So much to read this time Octavius, So many memories came crashing down to and so much happiness too. I don’t even know what to say about this chapter. I feel so much hope for Tyler, Cam and Danny got to get him out of all that stuff. It isn’t good for him to be there. His life is no good right now, but with Corey it will get a lot better. Please get Tyler out of all that crap ok? Richard.


    September 9, 2012 at 16:58

  6. WOW!!!! I knew Corey would join the Rainbow coalition! Actually, I don’t think he’s actually gay, especially with his history with Amanda. I don’t feel like he’s going to go to gym class and think “how many jock straps can I get my hands into today?”. I strongly feel that Corey has fallen in love with someone, the person if you will, who happens to be boy. There’s a line in the British movie “Get Real”, where at the end the main character say’s (and I’m paraphrasing here) “why should it matter…it’s only love”. Love is truly blind, especially to labels. I think that’s where Corey is at, that it shouldn’t matter. No labels, just love. And yes, I cried through a lot of it, but they were happy tears, not the sad ones from JJ or all the crap Dale and Carl went through, or the emotional trauma of Corie after what happened on that other boat.

    And I’ll still be waiting for that signed hard copy!


    September 10, 2012 at 20:12

  7. CT can’t beat a well written piece on the discovery of new love. Wonderful chapter.
    Regards Stef.


    September 25, 2012 at 22:25

  8. When is the next piece coming?


    October 25, 2012 at 04:33

  9. Okay, it has been eight months since the last post. During that time I have been assaulted in my own home, separated from my wife, had $40,000 of platinum inserted in my butt to close off an anyurism (spell?), moved to a new home, became estranged from my son, lost my car in the court settlement and learned how to cook. All throughout I kept wondering, how are Cam and co going to save Tyler?
    What have you been up to?


    June 6, 2013 at 17:50

  10. Does anyone know what has happened to this story or, God forbid, the author?


    June 6, 2013 at 17:53

    • The author is around someplace, but real life sometimes takes it’s toll on we writers. Don’t be discouraged though, sometimes they need a break.

      Remmy Meggs

      June 7, 2013 at 07:31

  11. Beleive me I know about real life. My own reads like a bad movie script. However..even though.I really like this story I sincerely hope the author’s problems get resolved, even if he never approaches a keyboard again.


    June 7, 2013 at 11:30

  12. Wow great story, breathtaking even, can hardly wait for chapter 29 of book 2 but looks like it’s already been a little over a year since anything was added 😦 I hope you still continue though because this is a great story 😀


    October 2, 2013 at 09:07

  13. Its a good place to end – bliss. Real life is loose ends

    Tar Larner

    November 14, 2013 at 14:21

  14. If we all join hands and pray we will get the next chapter one day.


    January 27, 2014 at 04:50

  15. Loved this story. Read it years ago. Hope the author is doing okay. I also hope this story gets continued one day, but if not, it was still cool that I at least got to read this much of the story in the first place. I will always hold on to this story. Helped me get through my own tough times back when I was reading it.

    – Jeremiah


    November 8, 2016 at 18:46

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: