The Sailor's Stories

2071 Chapter twenty five – Book II

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Corey wasn’t the only boy in the Trevallian household, snuggled up close to someone, or even to be wrestling with some strong feelings and the odd, old demon or two, during the early hours of that morning. In a room just down the hall, or landing as it were, Carl and Dale had up until very recently, been physically in a not too dissimilar position from the other two. Though for the latter pair, being close to each other like that meant even less than in Corey’s case, the definite benefits of being in a committed relationship. However, all that being said and maintaining his ‘early riser’ status, before the other two had even began to stir, Carl had already made a move to extricate himself from the tangle of limbs slightly and was now laying on his side, propped up on an elbow and staring lovingly at the tantalizingly smooth, clear face of the boy still sleeping soundly next to him. He always relished those first few minutes of the day, small moments in time to cherish, where he could just lay there quietly and observe the boy he loved a little bit more every day and much to his joy, so far, Dale had yet to deny him of this pleasure.

That day was a little different from most though and Carl was somewhat excited, because it was a little bit special for them both. Aside from that particular reason, everything else that morning had been pretty much exactly the same so far. Including the way his chest began to ache, from the moment he laid eyes on the boy next to him. More and more it came on and as his special moment stretched out, the stronger it felt, with the longer he looked. Of course, along with that sweet intoxicating pain, which he strongly encouraged through every pore and nerve ending in his body, came an almost overwhelming feeling of love, washing over him, as if to start fresh again for a whole new day. A love for what was surely his everything, his soul-mate, his lover, his beautiful Dale and as that love soared through him, he felt the start of a few small tears forming at the corners of his dark eyes. He wasn’t at all sad, not yet anyway, these were simply the tears of unbridled happiness, ones he’d shed several times before, but only in moments like these. Which in all reality, if you needed one, was really no more than just another sign of the intense feelings he had for his boy.

From an outsider’s point of view, or if you just suffer with the often times jaded perspective of an adult, you could easily be forgiven, when saying the boys were far too young to know that kind of love. After all, they were only fourteen, even though in just a few short weeks Carl would turn fifteen, with the twins just a month or so behind him, but in reality, love really doesn’t work that way. To be fair, those who still harbor any doubts on the matter, would have realized this simple fact too, if they were able to shake off the malaise of adulthood and remember what it was like to be young. For some reason, once we hit a certain age, humans tend to forget just how deeply teenagers can feel, so more often than not, discount them as being not old enough to truly understand even the simplest of emotions. But teenagers are resolute and always take great pains in their strive to prove you wrong, they’re rather funny in that respect, no matter how hard you try to the contrary, they’re never convinced anyone else has ever known what they’re feeling or going through either. Remarkable as it is though, to live in that age where everything you feel is elevated far beyond any other living being’s level of understanding, as far as reality is concerned, true love and the incredible power behind it, actually knows no age limit anyway.

Regardless of adult posturing’s and youthful misunderstandings, Carl knew in his heart what he felt and there was nothing imaginable, in the immediate future, which was going to change that. He knew what he felt was more than just the simple love of a best friend, or the caring love of a brother, or even the familial love of the adopted cousins they were. Carl was sure he certainly felt that way too, because he also felt those kinds of love for Corey, but in the end, his feelings for Dale went so much further. So far in fact, how he felt about the still sleeping vision of sheer beauty in front of him, was the most honest and true love he’d ever felt for any other person in his short life. Which in turn, or maybe just because of it, extended him a certain level of happy completeness, a content type of feeling, which really only comes from being the true lovers they were. This is also probably the reason why, never once did he not feel an intense desire to make that love very real, with what he considered to be so much more than just his better half.

On the whole, Carl was now a pretty well centered young man, though he pretty much always had been, even if he never fully realized it, being so downtrodden by his old family’s point of view. This notwithstanding, he was also reasonably strong of will, when it mattered and even more mature than most boys his age. At the same time though, he was still so very young in other ways, which meant he was also occasionally, still somewhat unsure of himself. Hardly surprising then, along with the lack of experience of the world at large and the dark overbearing views of his biological father still lurking in his psyche that, even after all the time he had spent with Dale and his family, he had one or two small lingering doubts. Back then and for a long time after, he was so down about himself, so much so, it was a definite struggle to pull himself out of it. Although, through a year of living in a caring and very loving environment and with the help of his new family, he had done a great deal of work on those doubts. Most he was able to fix outright, some even by himself, but there were some, the few which were far too deeply ingrained or too hurtful to fix, that over time, Carl just found better ways of hiding them. Personality wise, he was still the same lovable kid he had always been, but by far, he was no longer the shy timid and very scared little boy, who had moved in with the Trevallians roughly a year ago.

Most of his insecurities were simply surface ones, therefore relatively easy to fix or get around, in the grand scheme of things. The deeper ones, ones which he had about his sexuality and there were one or two, even now he still wasn’t sure he knew how to approach, so he decided a long time ago, to just bury them somewhere deep down in the far reaches of his mind. Out of all the doubts he had to choose from, however, these were the ones which concerned him the most. Primarily, because they were the ones, which he was too afraid to talk to anybody about. He was so scared that he was wrong, that he wasn’t actually what he claimed to be, but was even more terrified that someone would find out and because of it, he would lose the one thing he loved the most, lose Dale. Of course, he would always try his best to ignore them, for Dale’s sake, if not for his own sanity. Every now and again though, those one or two nasty little nagging voices in the back of his mind, would rear their ugly heads, especially in quiet moments, like the ones he experienced each morning before his lover woke up. And on the even fewer occasions, when he listened to them, he was startled to find sometimes they made sense, especially when they preyed on some of his greatest fears. Occasionally, he even found himself still holding on to some hope that he might someday be a good husband to someone. Hope that he might be blessed enough, to be a good dad to the kids he wanted to have in the future, or at least, in his mind, better than the one he’d had anyway. As far as he was concerned though, he knew that’s all they were, vain impossible hopes, because in the end, anytime he looked deep into the loving eyes of his boy, he really did know he was gay and there was nothing he, or anyone else for that matter, could do to ever change that. It never actually occurred to him, that he could have everything he ever wanted with the boy he loved anyway.

Rather than just resigning himself to a lonely future and if he’d thought more about it, or was able to build up the courage, he could have talked to an adult who actually cared about him, like Cam or Danny and things may have been very different, in his mind at least. Unfortunately, he really wasn’t that brave or even that honest with himself very often, to even try. On that score, courage and honesty was a luxury he could rarely afford. When he was though, much to his horror, his inner voice would almost always take the form of his father. Sad as it was, this was just like one or two other demons still lurking deep in his psyche, the last small, but hateful gift and pretty much the only thing he had left, from the man whom he now simply referred to as, the ‘sperm donor’. Regardless, one thing was absolutely sure, whether he’d ever realized it or not, he had known for as long as he could remember, that he had always on some level been attracted to other boys. He realized a long time ago that Girls never did anything for him, though he showed as much interest as he could stomach, especially around his brothers, in a futile attempt to hide. It wasn’t until Dale and the intensity of how he felt for him, when he finally found the courage to act out on what he really felt. However, that lack of courage certainly didn’t stop him from being very confused and conflicted for the many years prior.

Over those years, feelings and desires, he was always told were wrong, constantly slipped passed his guard. Sometimes he wasn’t even aware it was happening, until it was too late. Like stealth commandoes, they would creep up and insinuate themselves, like a vile weed, into his consciousness. Before Dale, the guilt he felt whenever these feelings surfaced and the shame he felt afterwards, of not being able to control his body in certain circumstances, terrified the hell out of him. Most of the time though, through a great deal of vigilance, he managed to keep himself in check and was able to forget they existed for a while, only to be remember all over again, when his guard slipped at the sight of a good looking boy. Experiencing those strange desires now and then when he looked at other guys, also scared him to his very core. Gym class, or sporting events were always the worst times for him, times where he was at his weakest. He would get so excited, watching guys change in the locker room, his boyhood constantly betraying him, as he observed them adjusting themselves while dressing or suiting up. He had to admit though, there were times, especially when he was sure he was alone and was able to be more true to himself, that he would allow that particular feeling of pleasure to rock through his body and he would catch himself wondering what it would be like to do more than just look. More than likely, this was the cause of a good deal of his shyness, because he would always try and hide himself away in a far corner. Always hoping he was out of sight, lest he be caught staring at the various bulges on display, wondering what they might look like out of their confinement. Although of course, excited as he was by what he saw, because his father, he hated himself for it every time, always hearing the man’s voice in his head, spouting vile rubbish about how wrong and evil he was.

Then there were those odd but sparse occasions, when one of the very few friends he’d had at the time, would stay overnight. Carl would often wake up, to find he’d snuggled in close to the other boy while they slept, he’d try to roll away, but most of the time he couldn’t bare too and just buried his nose in the other boys hair or against his skin, inhaling deeply, intoxicated by the rich aromas of boy. This of course, led to other things and eventually, he’d be forced to pull away anyway, only to escape to the bathroom in order to calm himself down, or just to get it over with, pleasuring himself to a body shaking orgasm. Then the pangs of guilt over what he’d done would set in immediately afterwards and would invariably always ruin the experience. More often than not, embarrassed beyond measure in the morning, he wouldn’t say too much to the friend, even for days after the fact.

During this confused time of internal turmoil, what really puzzled Carl the most was, where those thoughts feelings and desires came from. Obviously, there was never a time when he might have picked something up off of his brothers, or his father, but to a young boy’s reasoning, they had to be coming from somewhere. It wasn’t till much later and with the loving hand of Dale, when he realized, they came from him, that was a year or two off though. The last time he’d had a friend over to stay, was the night of his tenth birthday, he was so happy that day, when everything just seemed to go so well, even his father wasn’t a complete prick. But that night, his nocturnal activities, nearly got himself caught doing something he shouldn’t and because he could no longer trust himself, he never let anyone stay again. Through all this, he started to see that he wasn’t what society said was normal, but sadly he had no one to ask about it, not safely anyway and after a while, he didn’t even trust himself to have friends over to the house at all, let alone sleep with them. So instead, he just withdrew even further into himself and tried even harder to ignore what he felt, in an effort to try to be what he was told was normal. Carl got pretty good at it too, safely compartmentalizing his real self in far away corners of his mind where he could forget about it, or at least try too. Only by doing this, did he feel he was able to function, in the super straight male society of where he grew up.

Dale had been completely different though, and right from the very start, but for some reason, he really wasn’t sure if he could quantify. They had known each other for years, almost their entire lives in fact, having gone to school together, played ball together, or just spent time together as sometimes friends. But, from the very first moment he’d spotted him in the elementary school cafeteria, Carl knew he’d had strong feelings for the boy. Though at the same time, over those years, especially after his mom died, he envied him greatly. Envied the relationships and the closeness he had with both his brother and his uncle, the carefree, yet somewhat manic way he went about his day, seemingly without stress or worry. Then one fateful day last summer, it all came crashing down on him and circumstances pushed him to his limit, scaring the absolute crap out of him. When he’d felt the excitement of Dale pressed up against him and the excitement he himself was beginning to feel because of it, Carl snapped. With both barrels he unloaded all his years of self-loathing and belittlement, into that one hateful word. Sadly, a word he aimed straight at Dale and the look on the boy’s face broke his heart.

Up until that day, he’d never actually understood how hurtful that word could be. Sure, he felt bad when his father, or oldest brother, had used it on him. He even cringed inwardly, every time he heard the word ‘Gay’, when used in a negative context, because it always made him feel so much more less of a person, than he did already, for some reason he just couldn’t quite put his finger on. But, it wasn’t until he looked into the eyes of the boy he wanted so dearly to call a friend, that he finally and truly understood just how hateful and wrong using words like that could be. The pain, the hurt, the absolute wretched anger and disgust he’d seen in those, momentarily no longer beautiful, green eyes, was a definite turning point in his life. Because that’s when he realized, he had done the one thing he’d vowed to himself that he would never do, in that one moment of thoughtless action, he became his father and he hated himself for that, more than anything else he’d ever done in his life.

By itself, this realization was startling enough, but it wasn’t the main driving reason behind why he sought Dale out on that warm, but lonely night. He’d never meant to hurt him, and he so desperately wanted to say he was sorry, even right from the moment he’d let that word slip out. But he just couldn’t right then, that would have made him look weak in front of his peers and he couldn’t afford that at the time either. He had even thought of looking for Dale after class, but as time went on, he simply couldn’t think of a way to do the word ‘sorry’ any semblance of justice. Wracked with the guilt he was feeling, Carl didn’t sleep at all on that first night, continuously going over and over the whole scene in his mind. Every time he tried to close his eyes, all he could see was Dale’s eyes looking back at him, with the same hurt fear and anger. What he’d said and the fact that he hadn’t done anything about it afterwards to make it right, made him sick to his stomach, forcing him to the bathroom several times to throw up what little dinner he’d managed to eat. The overall effect however, was that he knew in his heart, he had to do something, anything, to fix it. He was certainly glad he did too, disregarding the fact that it took him most of the next day to build up the courage to do so, and that it waned a little during the cold night he’d had to sleep outside waiting for them to get home.

Having said that though, where he’d gotten the courage to openly kiss the boy, was completely beyond him. He still couldn’t really figure that one out, but in his mind, it had just felt like the right thing to do at the time, so he’d long since giving up caring about it. That kiss, his first by the way, was like a bucket of cold water to the face, for the first time in his life he truly knew what he was, or at least, he thought he did, whether he liked it or not was a different story. From that moment on he accepted that he was very much in love with Dale and wouldn’t trade him for anything, but it took him a considerably longer amount of time to accept, then like, the fact that he was gay. Over the preceding few weeks, he came out to himself more and more and eventually, with the help of Dale, he started to come out to others as well. All in all though, he didn’t really know what he felt in that time, but what he did eventually come to see, was that he was still so very unsure of himself. Just like many teenagers, although he thought he knew what he was now, he still wasn’t sure of where he fit into the world as a whole, even now he had that feeling from time to time, if he really thought about it.

Being a teenager really is hard enough, but having the added extra dimension of being gay, doesn’t help matters and certainly put a great deal of strain on him at the time. A strain which didn’t give up easily, even after everything that followed, being kicked out of home and then taken in by his new dad, it was only through Dale, where his initial thoughts and feelings about being gay, were actually laid to rest. Where he had come to know and finally believe, that it was okay for him to feel as he did, that he wasn’t wrong, or abnormal, or bad, that he wasn’t evil and for that, he would always be eternally grateful.

Since that first night and of course, what happened later, all it took was a look at Dale and another, all be it small, piece of his confusion and conflicted feelings were chipped away. It took a while, but over time he began to embrace his newfound sexuality and through some deep and meaningful conversations they shared together, sometimes even with Cam thrown into the mix as well, he managed to reaffirm his sense of masculinity. In the end, it was the love and care he received, which helped Carl to see homosexuals weren’t the effeminately weak, swishy pansies, that his father had always told him they were. This new understanding of course, was helped considerably when Cam, effectively, ‘Came Out’ to them all as well, after all, there was no way Cam was any of those things. In fact, it was only then, by watching the way his new family interacted with each other, after absorbing the news, that he finally learned one’s masculinity and identity didn’t come from one’s sexual preference, but from somewhere else entirely. And for Carl, who desperately still wanted to be a boy, all the while loving and being able to love another boy, it no longer seemed to be a problem, because if Cam could be gay and still be the man he was, then that meant, Carl could be too.

While he lay there watching and thinking, as he quite often did in those moments, his mind drifted back over their relationship, how it came to be and where it was now. Contrary to what most would believe of their situation, for Carl and Dale, what they’d built together, wasn’t at all about just sex. Although having said that, the sex was certainly awesome, varied and very fulfilling, because after all, they were still hormone fueled teenaged boys. But there was so much more to it than that, sure, it wasn’t all sunshine and lollypops, they’d had their fair share of disagreements, fights and even a hurt feeling or two, what relationship doesn’t? But they’d always come out stronger on the other side, each time building a whole new level, to what they’d had before. Levels where both boys knew it went well beyond just the sex or the companionship and every time he looked deep into his lover’s eyes, he could see Dale felt it too. For them, their relationship was more about the sharing of each other totally and honestly. The blending of the most intimate parts of themselves, when the only thing they had left after all other parts of their lives and dreams, their feelings and fears, their thoughts and hopes, and even their secrets had been given freely to each other.

At those times, when he was reflecting on where he’d been and where he’d ended up, just like Tyler, Carl knew exactly how lucky he was to find the twins and through them, their uncle. But, unlike Tyler, Carl also knew exactly where his place in the equation was. Of course, that didn’t stop him from doubting it, from time to time, but he at least, he did know where he fit in. Tyler’s situation concerned him though, because he was really starting to like the guy, he was pretty sure Tyler’s options had been fairly limited for a while and had probably forced him to do some things he wasn’t ok with. But, just like his adopted dad, he had to wonder how his own life might have ended up, if things had been considerably different.

“Hey… you’ve been crying…” A still sleepy Dale said softly, while reaching out to gently wipe the few tears away. “Babe?… what’s the matter?”

“Just thinking… about today… do you remember that first weekend last summer?” Carl said, as he slid his fingers between those of Dale’s hand, which he’d taken away from his face, almost completely ignoring the question.

“Yeah…” Dale responded, somewhat mischievously. “I was so hurt and angry, I almost killed you in gym class… then when we got back from the bay, you were just waiting there, like a little lost puppy… you looked so scared of Uncle Cam, but you stood your ground… I thought you were going to start something, when you wanted to be alone with me… but I didn’t know what…”

Dale paused briefly, but only to roll over onto his side, like his lover. They were now facing each other, looking deeply into each other’s eyes, the fingers of their left hands lovingly intertwined, gently stroking the soft skin of the other, all the while resting comfortably between their naked torsos under the thin cotton sheet, which other than underwear, was the only thing covering them. The feeling was exhilarating for both boys, but more so for Dale, especially when Carl stretched out a finger, to gently run the tip of it across a now very easily accessible nipple. Feeling the strong pulse of excited electricity, which surged through him at the very lightest of touches, Dale had to take a sharp intake of breath, before he could continue.

“…Then when you kissed me, you just totally blew me away… kinda made me glad I didn’t beat the crap out of you…”

“Hahaha… you know what?…I’m kinda glad you didn’t too… I’ve seen you fight…” Carl replied, the slight hint of a grin forming at the corner of his mouth from the memory. “But… that’s the moment I knew I wanted you so bad… no matter what… but I was still so totally terrified, I almost pissed myself… I knew I could’ve messed it all up and failed to win you over, maybe even destroy what little friendship we had left, but I couldn’t help myself… I wanted you to be so much more than a friend and I had to say sorry for what I said… I never meant to hurt you, even then… I…”

“Dude… stop… I know…” That hint of a grin on carl’s face had disappeared just as quickly as it came and once again, he involuntarily let a few tears slip out, while Dale reached out to pull the slightly bigger boy into his arms, in the hope of providing some level of comfort. Body against body, they stayed like that for the longest time, Dale doing everything he could, to pour all the love he felt into his boy, through some form of sweaty osmosis. Whether it worked like that, he didn’t know and didn’t really care either, but after a few minutes, he felt Carl starting to relax and eventually, they were both starting to get comfortable and just melted into each other.

“Hey… think about it this way…” Dale said giggling into Carl’s neck, a minute or two later. “If you hadn’t had the balls to come over that night, then I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy them so much for all this time.”

His smile and the laughter which came with it, was infectious. So much so, that for Carl all sadness was almost immediately forgotten and he couldn’t help but join in, although he did hug Dale a little tighter.

“Oh god… you were just what I needed, believe me… I wanted you so bad… I guess in a way I always did, but I was so confused… it was like I was in this… I don’t know… deep coma, or something… I never found girls that sexy, no matter how much I tried… I dunno, I guess at the time I didn’t really think that much about it… I kinda just thought I wasn’t ready and someday, sopmething would just happen… you know?”

“Dude seriously… it’s ok… you don’t need to tell me all this…” Dale tried cutting him off, but Carl was more determined now than ever, he’d never really explained himself like this before and he felt like he needed too, especially today.

“I knew I wanted something though, because I was always so horny and… well, I mean… it’s not like girls were happening for me… but at the same time… I knew I felt something for you too…” He pushed on, staring deep into his lover’s eyes. “Even though I was so scared about looking into other… ways of… well… you know?… with boys… at the same time, I kinda really, really wanted too, especially with you…”

Carl was actually surprised when he realized just how embarrassed he was when saying that, though why, he had no idea, but while he was talking he’d tried to hide it, by pushing his face back into the crook of Dale’s neck. After a minute or two, the embarrassment passed and Carl pulled back, so he could once again look into the eyes he loved to get lost in. In doing so, he noticed the worried but still loving smile on Dale’s face and reached up to run his fingertips gently across it. He truly enjoyed that kind of feather-light touch and as it turned out, so did Dale, but for very different reasons. For Carl it was the silky smoothness of the skin, lending a kind of intimacy he had been sorely lacking before all this began. For Dale, it was intimacy too, but not of the same kind, mostly it was the mere fact of the tender gentleness, in which he was being touched, proving more than mere words could, how so dearly loved he was. It never failed to give him a warm tingly feeling inside.

“I just never thought those feelings were real… you know?” Carl continued, still stroking his fingers across the almost delicately soft skin. “For the longest time I buried them as deep as I could… but in the end, I just couldn’t deny what I felt for you… that’s why I came out that night… well came to you, I mean… oh shit… I dunno what I’m even saying right now…”

Carl threw himself backwards in exasperation, at not being able to adequately get out, what it was, that he was feeling. Coming to rest on his back, he still never lost contact with his lover, somehow, they both managed to keep some part of their bodies touching. Without a seconds hesitation however, Dale crawled up a little, his head coming to rest lightly on Carl’s smooth shirtless chest. When he started to move, Carl’s body moved also, continuing their instinctive dance of skin on skin contact, to slide his arm around the other boy. Once he’d settled in though, both boys now extremely comfortable, Dale began to softly rub the very tip of his finger over and around another rapidly hardening nipple, as if without conscious thought, repaying the favor from a moment or two earlier. It took Dale all of that moment to compose his thoughts, there was something very off in the things Carl was saying that morning and he was more than a little confused by it. After a second or two, with Carl softly stroking his back and his comfort levels rising, he decided to share as well.

“Seriously dude, it’s ok… I went through it too you know?… growing up, the only boy I ever saw naked that wasn’t me, was Corey and since he looked just like me… I never really thought it counted, how I felt about it… but when we got to junior high and all the boys had to start showering together… well, it really turned me on… my imagination just went wild and I would have all these fantasies about all the naked guys around me….I guess that’s when I really knew.”

Dale looked up at Carl and right at that moment, when their eyes met, they both smiled their sweet smiles at each other. As it turned out, this was just what they both needed, especially in Dale’s case, because he had started to really worry about his boyfriend’s state of mind. The way he was talking, was so like those first few months of their relationship. Months where Dale had worked so hard to make Carl believe in himself, to make him believe that he wasn’t a bad person. In the last few minutes however, he’d felt like some of that hard work, had been slipping away and he wasn’t sure if he could get a hold of it again. Carl wasn’t on a downward regression spiral though, far from it and although Dale was smiling at him, he could see the worry behind the boy’s eyes. It was because of the boy he now held tightly in his arms, that he was who he was today, he truly believed that and Carl started to feel bad about where this conversation was going. Certainly, this wasn’t how he’d wanted this, of all mornings, to go at all, but since they were sharing, he continued.

“I was the same way… not that I knew it at the time… well, maybe I did… I dunno…  most of the time, before I even realized what I was doing, my eyes were roaming all over everywhere to see as much as I could… of course I tried to not let on what I was doing, but as soon as I recognized it, I guess I started suppressing those feelings too…”

By this point, Carl’s breathing was getting a little ragged, what with the tension he’d been putting off downstairs and the attention he was getting upstairs, he wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Although, he was pretty sure what would happen next, if the attention kept up that is. He wasn’t quite sure why, but it seemed Dale was feeling particularly amorous that morning, but before they got to the really good stuff, Carl still wanted to make this morning special somehow, wanted to make it something to remember. At the same time though, he also had to lay some of those demons to rest and he wanted to make Dale understand how he felt about everything the boy had done for him. The only way he knew how he could do that, was to talk it out of his head.

“I know it sounds bad, but I just didn’t want to feel that way, you know?… I didn’t want to be gay… I was totally in for denial, for so long…”

“Ha!… with your family, I’m not surprised…” But as soon as he’d said it, Dale regretted it and his hand flew against his mouth. The sudden tenseness in Carl’s body, the coiled spring like feeling, scared him. “Sorry… I shouldn’t have said that…”

“No… it’s… ok… I mean, it wouldn’t hurt if it wasn’t true, right… and I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way…” Carl replied, his body relaxing some. “Seriously though, if I hadn’t had the balls to do what I did that night… I really don’t think anything would’ve ever happened between us and we wouldn’t be having this conversation… on today of all days… I love you so much… I don’t even want to think about what my life would be like without you…”

“Then don’t… because I’m right here… and I’m not going anywhere.”

Dale was very confused now, confused and ever more worried. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into his boy that day, but he certainly didn’t like it. Thinking about it though, he remembered something Carl said a little bit earlier, he kept making references to that particular day, as if it had some hidden meaning. As to what that meaning was, Dale had a pretty good idea, but wanted to see if what he thought, was what Carl was thinking as well, he really hoped it was. Was Carl just reminiscing, or was it something much more, today was special and Dale knew it, but this wasn’t the first time he’d caught Carl in deep thought like that and he wasn’t sure if he might have missed some other meaning. If truth be told, he’d quite often watched Carl go off the cerebral deep end, especially in the morning, when he’d thought he was still fast asleep. Dale never pushed the issue though, simply feeling it was just one of those things Carl needed to stay grounded and for the sake of their relationship, he never mentioned it. This time though, was very and decidedly different, almost as if it was like Carl was determined to make it that way, but why? He wondered, then he got his answer, sort of and had to stop himself from breathing as huge sigh of relief.

“You don’t know what today is… do you?…” Carl asked, in a sudden rush, leaning his face as far to the side as humanly possible, in an effort to look directly at Dale.

“I’m kinda getting an idea that I should… but sorry babe… I’ve got no clue…”

“I love it when you call me babe… makes me feel like you really care… but please don’t ever do it in public, I have a rep to maintain… Oowww…” Carl squealed, looking indignantly down at his boyfriend, not so sure if he liked him anymore just then, all the while rubbing his now very sore nipple. The same one that was oh so recently receiving some very loving attention. “That hurt!”

“I’m sorry… I really didn’t mean to do it that hard… honest… but it serves you right for making fun of me…” Dale replied, leaning over to gently blow on it, before giving it a very soft kiss.

As he leaned back, he could see that all was forgiven, the shit-eating grin plastered all over Carl’s face was well and truly evidence of that. Proving once more, that there is a very fine line, between pleasure and pain. But as that super cheesy line sped through his usually very sharp mind, he knew he really needed to know what was going on, what it was that was bothering his boyfriend that morning.

“I am sorry babe, seriously… you know I’d never hurt you on purpose… I love you too much, it would kill me to see you really hurt.”

“I know… I love you too… even if you are mean to me… and beat me up…” Carl replied with a grin, but taking hold of Dale’s hand anyway, just in case. At first Dale was a little put out by this and his expression showed it all too clearly, but Carl had gotten very good lately, at turning these things to his advantage. So rather than just holding his boy’s hands down, he lifted each in turn to his lips and kissed them.

“I don’t know what’s with you this morning… is something wrong?… did I do something wrong… please tell me…” Dale said.

Carl pondered that for a moment and in turn, drew out the suspense a little. It’s not like he was intentionally trying too, but as the moments stretched into seconds and beyond, he started to find some perverse fun in it.

“Ok… I’ll tell you what’s going on… but first I want you to tell me something… have you noticed how our new school finishes two weeks later than our last one?” When all Carl got was a sort of blank stare, he continued. “You do know what that makes this weekend though… right?”

Dale’s face remained somewhat passive, however, inside he was cheering and leaping for joy, in the ‘arms up crazy man’ style. He knew exactly what this weekend was and so it seemed did Carl, he was so glad there wasn’t anything more sinister lurking about. What really upset him though, was how Carl could think that he would have forgotten their one year anniversary? After all, Dale prided himself on being the squared away one, the sensible one, the one who near manically marked any date of importance on his calendar. All he could put it down to, was a complete overdose of drama which they’d all been through lately, the boat, the crap at their last school, the move, meeting Tyler, Dale wasn’t at all surprised they were both a little scattered. To be fair though, at the same time this thought occurred to him, he also felt somewhat vindicated, because this was exactly why he was always so early on things like buying presents. He’d been prepared for this day, since they’d left Rhode Island, he even had Carl’s birthday present hidden in Corey’s closet and Corey’s birthday present hidden in his. What he had to contend with now, was whether or not he should punish Carl for thinking he’d forgotten, but just one look into those sultry brown eyes and he knew the answer.

Bolting out of bed, scaring the crap out of Carl in the process, he ran like the wind over to the locked draw of his desk, from which he extracted a somewhat solid looking small thing wrapped in the softest red velvet bag. He kind of dangled it from his fingers as he walked back to bed, but that wasn’t exactly what Carl was looking at, at the time, so enthralled was he with the near naked beauty of Dale’s trim athletically firm body. As far as Carl was concerned, the view from behind had been almost as captivating, as the view from the front. Of course, once he got over his sudden heated urges and noticed what his dream boy was holding, he let slip a cheeky grin and leaned over his side of the bed to retrieve something of his own. As soon as Dale laid back down alongside his lover, Carl leaned over to lightly kiss his forehead, while gently pushing one or two stray locks of silky blond hair from the boy’s face, smiling his most winning smile.

“You’re so beautiful…” he whispered. Leaning in again to kiss the boy’s nose this time, then slowly stroked Dale’s cheek with his thumb, before running his hand down to his chest, placing it flat over the boy’s heart.  “And you have the heart of an angel…”

Dale scrunched his face up, he loved the way Carl was so romantic, but sometimes he got a bit corny. This time though, that corniness seemed a little special, so he went with it for a second, before he grabbed the much bigger boy’s wrists like he was restraining him, teasing, “Oh yeah?… well, we’ll see about that…”

Carl played along, for the moment letting Dale pin his arms to the bed. Although Dale was the better fighter, Carl was still a little bit bigger, heavier and somewhat stronger, so in this situation, he could have easily thrown him off, he just didn’t want to. Besides, he thought, the position they were in was starting to feel pretty good and for both boys apparently, if the tents in their shorts were anything to go by. Like all moments however, this one too had to end and after a minute or two of heavy breathing, having enjoyed the moment for as long as he could, Dale let up on his grip and leaned back to retrieve Carl’s anniversary gift. At the same time, now that he was free, Carl slid his hand under his pillow and did the same. A mere moment later, having handed Dale his gift, while gently shaking his head, Carl undid the drawstring and pulled out the smallish box, which had been deposited onto his chest. With baited breath, Dale decided to wait to open his gift until after Carl and cutely bit his bottom lip in anticipation.

“I hope you like it…” He said, almost overcome with nerves.

Inside the box was a single white gold band and Carl’s heart swelled when he pulled it out and saw what was written inside, “Yours always, Dale”. He seemed happy enough with the gift, so while he was marveling at it, Dale took the opportunity to open his own. His eye’s went wide with shock, as he pulled the lid off of the little white cardboard box wrapped with in a dark red ribbon, only to reveal another smaller box, not too dissimilar from the one he’d given his lover. As it turned out, the boys were still that in tune with each other, they’d thought of the same thing for their gift. Dale’s too, was white gold, but the inscription was slightly different, on the inside of Dale’s ring was, “Forever and always, Carl”. Each in their own way, they took each other’s ring and slipped them over the same finger on each other’s hands, the wedding finger.

Dale held out his hand to look at his ring, then looked down at Carl and back again several times, the smile on his face growing with every pass. “I love it… but I love you so much more… thank you…”

“This is so beautiful Dale… god I love you so much… I really don’t know what I would do without you…” Carl replied, his throat starting to choke up with the intense emotion he was suddenly feeling.

“Well then… let’s not find out, huh?” Dale replied, planting a soft kiss on Carl’s lips before snaking his way down the slightly bigger boy’s body, initiating a session of  slow gentle lovemaking. Fueled by their desire to be as near to one another as possible and the fears they were both trying to avoid, they didn’t let go of each other for hours, even after the sun rose over the ranges.

“As long as we’re together… we can get through anything..” Was the last thing Dale remembered Carl saying, right before he wrapped Dale up in his arms and they slowly drifted back to sleep. The next thing either of them remembered, was a sharp knock on the door and muffled “Breakfast is ready, boys.”


Written by bigct/Octavius

December 11, 2011 at 23:31

9 Responses

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  1. I really don’t know how you do it.

    They’re just words on a page (or screen as it were). Letters arranged in such a way to convey a message. But the way you arrange those letters into words never seem to amaze me! The way you draw us into feeling the same emotions that your characters do: the sorrow, the pain, but mostly…the love and tenderness that most (if not all) of us strive for. I have been truly blessed when I stumbled onto your story so many moons ago, and will continue to be blessed for many more to come with this precious gift you give us.

    Now, if you were to stay home and do what you were destined to do, you wouldn’t have to go someplace you loath to go to for extended periods of time in order to pay off parking fines!


    December 12, 2011 at 03:16

  2. Well worth the waiting! Talk ’bout “raging hormones”: i foresee some very interesting teen challenges in
    the Travellian household. Love the storyline. Thanks for sharing. Vern


    December 12, 2011 at 07:49

  3. Wow you got me crying like a big baby. That’s so cool the way you say all of that. You can tell they really love each other. Couldn’t sleep tonight. I think my 3 hour nap this afternoon messed up my night again. I really love reading your story it is so awesome. Hugs, Just a Friend

    Just A Friend

    December 12, 2011 at 21:52

  4. I don’t think I can say anything better than what Rick said. You amaze me with your abilities.

    And I really agree with the second part of Rick’s comment!




    December 14, 2011 at 23:16

    • Thanks for the backup, Kevin! Somebody has to help me push this bozo in the correct direction, even if he is kicking and screaming about it!


      December 16, 2011 at 16:09

  5. A very touching chapter CT.
    Regards Stef.
    ps Merry Xmas.


    December 22, 2011 at 22:58

    • Well said Stef. Happy Holidays to all.


      December 24, 2011 at 13:52

  6. Merry Christmas Octo, and have a good Holiday. If someone else is looking, Merry Christmas to you to, I am sorry.

    Just a Friend

    December 26, 2011 at 11:09

  7. Heya CT, I think i’m in agreement with everyone else in their comments here. This story has captured my attention and in the last few weeks as I’ve been reading this, through tears and laughter to happiness and sadness, this is truly a great piece of writing!

    I really do look forward to the next chapter!



    February 5, 2012 at 16:34

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