2061 Chapter fifteen – Book II

Buying something of even moderate value, or selling something for that matter, is never as easy as it seems. It’s not like stepping up to the counter of your local convenience store, with money and a loaf of bread in hand. When buying something of substance, a car, a boat, a house, or in this case a large parcel of property including a relatively successful business, there are many and varied things to consider. Contracts, lawyers and of course lawyer fees, however, once a decision has been made, everything can sort of happen rather quickly. In fact in this instance, it all fell into place quite neatly, though there were one or two things, including some both financial and legal, which needed to be smoothed over first, before Cam, Danny and the boys could take possession of their new home.

That decision though, tentative as it was then, was by no means made lightly. Cam’s mind was pretty much sold on the idea right from the start, as were the boys, Danny could tell that just by the wistful way they would talk about it. For his part, Danny was also keen on the idea, however, he still wasn’t as sure about it as the others. He did know Cam had the money, had known for a long time, but not the true extent of it. A fact made very clear when he discovered how they’d be traveling the Friday before. It was then that Cameran Trevallian became far more than he seemed to Danny, especially when he fired up the engines of his very own plane, and not a particularly small plane either. The poor young man, with his troubled past, was simply in awe of the man he loved, the man who seemed to have everything at his very fingertips and with that awe, he also started to become a little afraid.

Of course, the way in which Cam had come across a good portion of his money, was not known to him, simply because, he’d never been bothered to ask and wasn’t really interested anyway. He did know that the twin’s parents were dead, and his lover’s were as well, but he’d never put two and two together, if he had, he’d probably have come out with at least ten, and that would have simply caused all manner of interesting questions on that front. The fact of the matter was, was that Cam did have money, a lot of money Danny now realized and although he was indeed very excited about the prospect of what was to come, those fears deep within him just wouldn’t settle. So much so, that he was now determined not to be seen like just some kind of gold digger.

Because of that, or maybe in spite of it, Danny had gone from being openly excited, to quietly supportive, all the while maintaining an air of overly non committal. He just couldn’t bring himself to show the budding excitement, which was indeed threatening to boil over and erupt out of him at any second, in the very real, if irrational, fear of how it would seem to the outside world. This very abrupt change to Danny’s previous enthusiasm, confused Cam to no end. At first, when they’d talked about it, Danny seemed to be all for the idea, but then slowly, something happened to him and Cam started to notice a distinct pulling away from the subject within his lover. What Cam couldn’t fathom, what he couldn’t see, was the internal struggle within Danny, the two sides deep inside his mind very much at war with themselves.

This sudden and startling revelation had hit Danny about halfway down the hill, the one that they’d climbed earlier and on top of which had a particularly fine, if messy, afternoon. He’d felt it brewing, that strong sense of unease, ever since the plane, but thought he could control it. What made it worse was the nagging feeling that, within his own mind at least, he surely was a gold digger and he just knew everyone would eventually see him as such. Though there was no conscious effort on his part to make that feeling so, he knew the situation he was in. He had no real money to speak of, other than the meager savings he’d managed to scrape together through his years in the navy, but the fact that he had yet to find another job at home, well to him at least, people had to be wondering how he was supporting himself.

The sad thing was, was that he had hoped this time was going to be different, every day since that night he’d stood on Cam’s doorstep in the freezing cold, he’d kept on changing his mind about what he liked best about the man he’d loved ever since first laying eyes on him so long ago. Sometimes it was him being bigger than he appeared, his presence far surpassing the physical size of his body. In Danny’s most humble opinion, Cam just gave off the most amazing aura, for want of a better word, one that made you feel like how there’s just so much of him. To him, it was like standing close to a boulder on a wet windy day and because of it, feeling the warmth of that something solid at your back that you can lean against for shelter and know with a sense of extreme certainty, that it isn’t going anywhere. This was the comfort that a man like Cam could provide for him

Then again, sometimes it was his voice, at times deep and penetrating, as if his authority was never to be questioned. Yet at others soft and gentle, like you were the only person in the world that he was talking to, when he was like that, it was enough to give Danny goose-bumps. He’d had similar feelings with other men, and even some of the boys he’d known through his life, especially in the group homes where he’d grown up. He often felt special at those times, though somehow they’d always spoil it, like when they’d say things in a sort of growling animalistic way, as if they were some kind of big dog and that growl was simply telling everyone around how they better not try and get him away from them.

His smile and his eyes were there as well, but in the end, it was the man’s arms that really did it for Danny. He’d always felt complete, relaxed, even comfortable when Cam held him in his strong arms. He felt loved, safe, like the guy would never let anything ever happen to him. And all behind that, Danny would also remember, how when being held, Cam would kiss him softly and with the touches so gentle that never hurt him. Not at all like the punches or hitting or any of the other such forms of treatment he’d received, which had pretty much been the extent of his first sexual experiences in the homes. For Danny though, in the end he knew that was what he had to offer, someone broken, worthless and completely beneath him. The fact that Cam really didn’t see it that way, was completely lost on the young man.

As far as Danny was concerned, Cam was so much larger than life, so full of confidence, determination, and of course love. The absolute, physical and emotional embodiment of everything he’d ever dreamed of in a partner. What the poor guy still couldn’t really figure out though, was what Cam saw in him, and sadly it was that same doubt and uncertainty which drove those very real fears he was having, especially the fear that his bubble was getting ready to burst. How could he possibly compete with all Cam had to offer, what did he have to offer in return, what else was Daniel Harrison other than a  somewhat useful at times, but overall pathetic throwaway. He knew he was nothing, had known that all his life, he was just waiting for the penny to drop, when Cam would see it too. That alone was the cause of most of poor Danny’s inner turmoil.

All his life, Danny had dreamed of something better, had looked to the future in the vain hope that his knight in shining armour would somehow manage to find, and bust him out of whatever hell hole he’d found himself in. Oh yes, Danny knew struggle, knew what it meant to be dirt poor, and yes, knew even more about pain than any young man ever should. Used, abused, torn up, chewed up, and spat out, that had been the lot of Danny’s young life, but worse than that, was the feeling of being thrown away when he was of no further use. Surely, he realized, Cam must be able to see that, to sense it in some way, and was just waiting for his chance to do the same thing. He knew he couldn’t get too excited, because what if it all fell through for him, how would he be able to cope when it all went wrong again. Of course what he’d missed completely, was that his knight had already rode in.

So engrossed with his inner turmoil was he, that he’d failed to notice they’d finally climbed down the hill and were now standing on that small beach they’d spied earlier on that afternoon. The water looked beautiful, calm, crystal clear and very inviting. Without even a moments thought, Danny started moving towards it, stripping down to his tight and very revealing boxer briefs only moments before he waded out far enough to dive into that cool refreshing bliss. Diving low, gliding through the depths, he let that water surround him, in the vain hope that he could wash away his doubts. When he surfaced several feet away from the shore, he could hear laughter, and his heart sank a little lower in sadness. Of all the things he could have hoped to hear right then, laughter from the man he loved was not one of them.

“If that’s how he feels, I may as well get it over with… at least I haven’t got as much invested this time…” He thought, as he made his way slowly to shore.

Cam had also stripped down, but had not yet entered the water when Danny started to make his way back. On seeing his lover’s return, he simply sank to the sand and waited, watching as the lithe figure made it’s way seemingly effortless through the clear waters. He was beautiful, that was Cam’s first and only thought. As Danny stepped slowly from the lake, water running in slow small drops down his taught lean frame, taking those first few steps onto the soft sand, Cam scrambled to his feet and went to embrace him, but he was met with a cold stare and his heart near broke in two. He knew that Danny had been a little off, but he was by no means prepared for this kind of reception.

“You laughed at me asshole… why would you do that?” He asked coldly.

“What?… I didn’t laugh at you… Danny you’re scaring me a little here…” Cam replied, a little taken aback.

“You did… I heard you… you were laughing at me… don’t deny it!… ” Danny said, as the blood of anger rushed up his face

“Jesus… is that what you think… yeah I was laughing… but not at you… I was laughing at what you were doing… at your little merman act…” Cam said, as he finally came to his senses and wrapped his strong arms around the young man. “I could never laugh at you…”

For a brief moment, that scared him more than he realized, he relished that close contact. The warmth of Cam’s body seeping into and suffusing his own flesh, with the heat stolen from the sun as he’d lain on the beach. He could feel the safety he’d always felt there, that much hadn’t changed, but he couldn’t let it in, couldn’t let it trap him into any false senses, he had to be strong, or he’d never get away intact, or so he thought.

“Fuck you!… get away from me!” He near screamed, but Cam wouldn’t let go.

“Danny FUCK!.. what’s wrong with you… what’s the matter?”

The tone of his voice, it was all wrong, Cam was worried and what’s more, he sounded like he was worried about him. That’s not right, Danny thought to himself, if he didn’t want me, then why is he so worried about me, why won’t he just let me go? The fact that Cam wouldn’t let go was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back, or in this case, Danny’s resolve. Not able to take the pressure of what he was feeling anymore, he sank to his knees and Cam went with him, still holding on as tight as he could without hurting him. Although that’s the way they stayed for some time, just holding or being held, the inevitable soon caught up with them. Both starting to feel a cramp building, they came apart, but still stayed close, Cam holding Danny’s hand for dear life.

All too soon, Danny found himself looking sidelong, then straight at his hand, seemingly dwarfed as it was by that of the man he so dearly loved. He couldn’t take it any longer, and simply said…

“Why?”

“What…?” Was Cam’s somewhat astonished response.

“Why do you want me… why would anyone like you want someone like me?”

“What the hell do you mean?… I mean look at you… you’re almost perfect in every way… I look at you and my heart damn near stops… how you could possibly ask that?”

“So that’s it then… that’s all I am… some kind of trophy for you… something pretty to show off?”

“No… Danny… God no… you’re so much more than that… especially to me… even to the boys… haven’t you figured that out by now?… where is this coming from?”

Danny had to think about that one, he’d been so sure he knew the answers to those questions, even as close as only a few moments ago, but now he wasn’t so sure. Could he have been wrong, about all of it? Sure, he could have been, but even then he wasn’t completely convinced.

“I’m scared…” He finally managed to squeak out, but then as Cam’s arm came over his shoulder, he was able to continue with a little more confidence. “I’m scared that I won’t meet up to your expectations… I’m scared that I’ll never be able to compete with Mark’s memory…”

Cam’s whole body tensed up when he heard those words, the pain of loss, the anger he still held over it, threatening to suffuse him. Danny felt it too, but not in the same way and instantly thought he may have gone too far, but emboldened by Cam’s silence, he continued…

“I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up only to find that you’ve started resenting me… and you know why?… because, there’s gotta be give and take in every relationship, but I seem to be taking more than giving and I know people can see it… I want us to be equal… but how could I ever be equal with you… you have so much… and I… have nothing… am nothing… nothing but broken and used up… oh god Cam… I just can’t bear to be thrown away again… I can’t!”

That was it, that was all of it, he’d finally got it all out, everything that had been building within him from that first night and it was all he could do not to break down. All his fear and insecurities came rushing out of him like a flashflood, or that clichéd burst dam. Cam on the other hand, had been so wrapped up with the boys of late, that he hadn’t seen any of this coming. So although the burden had been slightly lifted from Danny’s shoulders, Cam now felt as though it had landed heavily and squarely upon his, and because of it his body slumped over with the effort.

“Is that what all this is about… money?… Danny… seriously… don’t worry about it… I don’t.” Cam said finally, and when, after several long moments, he sat up and looked into Danny’s eyes, he instantly realized the mistake in his choice of words.

The hurt and pained look that Danny gave him, made him regret saying them, but like so many other things in this world, once words are out, they are incredibly hard to put back in. He knew that Danny’s life was being turned upside down, hell all of their lives were and he was telling him not to worry? Even though what he’d said was a ploy for time, one of those automatic things people say, when they don’t know what else to say. All Cam could do now, was try to minimize the fall out, in the hope that he could salvage something from this mess. Here Danny was, not knowing what was going to happen, relying on a man he didn’t really know that well yet, and all that man could tell him, was not to worry? He knew he had to do something to rescue himself, knew he had to get Danny to somehow understand, before he really did lose him.

“Shit Danny… I’m so sorry… I really didn’t mean it that way… I mean… I know what you’re saying… I understand… really… but how could you think you have nothing to give?… you’ve given me more than you could ever know… but more than that… you’ve given me the one thing I’ve needed all along… something I haven’t had in a long time…”

“What… what could I have given you that’d be that good?”

Cam couldn’t help himself, and he certainly couldn’t stop the look of sheer astonishment that crept across his face. Could Danny really not know how he felt about him, did he not see how much he loved him, even after so short a time?

“Fuck me!… you’re beautiful, funny, sexy and far too smart for your own good sometimes… but you really are clueless… you know that?… hope Danny… you’ve given me hope.”

“Really…?” Danny said, sitting there in almost shock, over what he’d just heard.

“Yeah…” Cam replied. “As far as I’m concerned we are equals… I know the boys see us that way… they really do love you… you know that right?… and I really couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks… you’re my partner and lover… that should be all that matters…”

“So you do love me?”

“Yes Danny… you complete dufus… I do love you… very much.”

Danny’s heart swelled when he heard those words, he’d heard them before, from many sources, even the dufus part, but none were even close to as heartfelt as these. Even if he wanted too, he couldn’t have stopped the goofy smile that spread across his face, it would be like trying to stop the sun at dawn, as it slides across the unsuspecting landscape. He also couldn’t stop the childlike giggle as Cam pulled him over to lay in his lap. Looking up into those gorgeous blue eyes of the man he loved, he was the happiest he had ever been.

“That’s the first time you’ve said it… did you know that…?”

“Said what?”

“That you loved me…” And as those words came out, his own eyes shone a little brighter, a fact that Cam could not miss.

“It won’t be the last… I can promise you that…”

“I don’t care… I love hearing you say it.”

“You feel better now?” Cam said, while he pushed a stray lock of still slightly damp hair off of Danny’s soft forehead.

“Yup!” Was all the reply he needed.

“Alright that’s enough of this gooey shit…” Cam said, as he placed his hand gently on Danny’s taught stomach for a moment, before pushing him off so that he could stand. He reached down and when Danny’s hand met his in the middle, with little effort Cam pulled him up as well. “Come on dopey… I wanna swim for a bit before we head back.”

The two nearly naked men embraced passionately, then as the moment wore on, Cam slightly lifted Danny, so that his feet were off the ground and walked them both slowly into the water.

*                      *                      *

It was getting on towards dark, when they finally parked the borrowed jeep into the spot where they’d found it earlier that day. Two very happy young men sat in that jeep, though they were both still smarting from the almost collapse of their relationship, they also both knew that they’d come out the other side much stronger than when they went in. For Cam, what Danny had said to him after their swim that afternoon by the lake, was more than a revelation, he’d poured out his heart and soul, complete with all the pain he’d been feeling and hiding for most of his life. Even more so, than he’d already told him earlier on in the relationship, so much so, that Cam was totally in awe of the strength the young man held.

Of course, Cam’s first and foremost priority was always going to be the boys, but as he sat there and listened to Danny pour his heart out, he couldn’t help mentally kicking himself over and over. With all that had been going on over the past few months, it’s not like Cam had ignored him, but he had to admit, he hadn’t paid as much attention as he could have either, or more importantly, should have. A relationship takes work he knew that, a lot of work if you want a good one and sadly, Cam was forced to admit he hadn’t been working very hard lately. Now though, as it looked like things were going to be different for all of them, he was determined to do better. After all, he most certainly didn’t want to miss another chance of happiness and in so doing, if he could make Danny’s life a little happier, then so much the better.

They spent that night having a leisurely and peaceful time in the company of the boys. What made the first part better, was on their return, Danny and Cam found all three boys busy at work on dinner. In fact they were both told, in no uncertain terms, to just sit back and enjoy themselves, which of course they did. While they watched the three very enterprising young teen boys, Cam popped the top off of two beers and pulled Danny over to the log by the fire pit. Dinner didn’t take them long, what with the portable  barbeque they’d found from somewhere. What was presented to the two men shortly after they’d both become very comfortable, was only just short of astounding. Perfectly cooked steak and a baked potato, with fresh salad to round it all off. Then much to their surprise, an apple pie, that had been warming by the fire and was topped off with fresh cream.

But it was what followed dinner, which was the perfect capper, to an almost perfect day. Simple companionship, okay maybe not so simple, but it was companionship nonetheless. After the dishes were cleared away by the boys, Danny somehow found himself nestled between Cam’s legs, while he was caressed ever so gently from above. All the while the boys were telling tales, of their adventures through the day. They’d been busy it seems, having borrowed some bikes from somewhere they’d struck off into town to check it out. Though it was smaller than what they were used to, they appeared to be quite happy about both the town and the schools they’d found.

All too soon though, the many rigors of the day, for all those involved, seemed to catch up with them and they all headed to bed. Though they were both tired, Cam and Danny, however, were far from sleep. After several long moments of deep pondering, Cam turned so that he could look into the face of his lover…

“The boys seem pretty much set on the idea… what do you think?… you have an equal say in this too you know?” Cam stated, as he pulled Danny close, in their shared sleeping bag.

“I think… it’s a great idea… and I couldn’t think of a better place to grow old together…”

“So we’re gonna do this thing then?”

“Yeah…” Danny replied, reaching out to gently stroke his hand down the side of Cam’s face. “I do love you… and I always want to be with you.”

”I love you too… God I want you so bad… but, I think it’s time we got some sleep… we’re gonna have a busy day tomorrow…”

The small pout that crept across Danny’s soft strawberry coloured lips didn’t last very long, and was soon replaced by a weary, tired smile. All too soon, as they lay in each others arms, their breathing slowed and they drifted into that steady soft breathing of a deep sleep. Both very content in the knowledge, that they were exactly where they supposed to be.

*                      *                      *

The next morning, Cam and Danny decided it was high time they had a talk with the old guy who owned the place. As it turns out, it was a very lengthy discussion, and he was more than happy to answer any of their questions. Other than one or two occasions where he hadn’t, the guy had lived at the campground for most of his life, having moved there full time when he was not much less than the boy’s age and of course inheriting it from his father several years ago. In that time, he’d watched as his father built the place up, making it grow more and more over the years, building it into the successful business it now was. Leaving nothing out, he even went so far as to pull out records and sales figures, profit and loss statements, and all manner of other financial statements, that more than proved what he’d said about the place being very popular.

Though Cam was having a hard time following what was being said, as far as the records went, Danny wasn’t. Simply put, Danny was now totally in his element, and it was everything Cam could do not to just pick him up and hug him to death, over how proud he was in his man. By lunchtime they were both convinced, so the owner put in a call to his lawyer friend in town. Within the hour, the lawyer was there with documents of sale and a few contracts to sign. Cam was amazed at how fast things were progressing, but at the same time was very happy as well. He knew he’d have to get things checked out by his own lawyer, once he found one that is, but as far as he could see, everything was above board and looking good. All that really remained was to get their stuff moved in and make a start.