The Sailor's Stories

1027 Chapter twenty seven – The Sailor’s Awakening.

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Shame…, fear…, loathing…, you like those? I’ll give you some more, concern…, sorrow…, desperation. All these thoughts ran through my mind, hitting me like waves crashing against the shore. Lying there, tucked up next to Corey…, my mind forced me to replay the events of that summer. It was like a dream, but at the same time it wasn’t…, this time…, I didn’t have the comfort of being able to wake up. My nephew on the other hand…, my little man had woken up, about a half hour before. Instantly…, terror had surged through him. It seemed as though his waking moments, were almost as bad as his sleeping ones…, when he wasn’t conscious enough to hide it. With a sharp intake of breath, and fear in his eyes…, he let the adrenaline take hold, trying desperately to get away from me. He was a strong little guy, when he put his mind to it…, but, he was mostly asleep, and unfocussed. Thinking about it…, it was still dark in his room, so I couldn’t really blame him. I just held on tight, whispering soothing things like… ‘It’s alright bud…, it’s me…’ and, ‘Don’t be scared…, I won’t let anything happen to you…’, after a while he calmed down enough to realize who I was…, and that I, indeed, wasn’t about to hurt him. Softly crying, at his own frustration…, he came into my arms, seconds later. Sobbing quietly…, he drifted slowly back to sleep. He was still there, lying halfway across my chest, his little arms around me, clinging on for dear life…, a wet patch of tears and snot, mixing on my shirt, just below his face.

As I lay there thinking…, what got to me the most about this whole situation…, was stunningly horrifying in it’s simplicity. This…, all of it…, was my fault, I just couldn’t ignore it any longer. Everything that had happened this summer…, all the things that I had put the boys through…, was a direct result of my fucked up mind. That fact chilled me to the bone…, a cold that could never be warmed…, no matter how I tried to look at it.. What have I done? Hitting me like the ‘Proverbial ton of bricks’, I rolled that phrase over and over in my head…, just to see how felt…, I really didn’t like it, but then…, I couldn’t escape it either. If I had just let go of it all…, this would never have happened…, but I couldn’t…, I’ve never let go of anything. Even when I was younger…, pain, anger, grudges…, nothing escaped me…, until they boiled over. That pedo Evans…, he found that out the hard way. Unfortunately, so did Corey, if I had let it all pass years ago, when I should have…, if I had just admitted to myself what I am…, I never would have hit him…, and he wouldn’t have felt the need to never leave my side. My boy’s love, had almost cost him his life…, for that I will never forgive myself.

The Doc had been right all along…, I had known it…, deep down…, I was just too much of a coward to admit it. I was projecting onto them, regrettably Corey…, as a result of all this…, was the casualty. Since they had come fully into my life…, everything I had done, was all for them…, Well I’ve really done it this time…, nice work fuckstick! That thought still fresh in my head…, I felt Corey shift in his sleep. Looking down at him, even though I was strongly concerned, I couldn’t help but smile…, finally, he actually looked peaceful. His little eyes, were moving rapidly under the lids…, I doubt the dream was a bad one, but then I couldn’t be sure. Maybe there was still hope. He would be waking soon anyway…, if what I could feel against my hip was anything to go by. It was a perfectly natural male response to the morning…, though, that didn’t really make me feel any better. To be fair, I was a little embarrassed, not just for me…, but for him as well. I doubt he would relish the idea of it either, when he woke up.  So with the sun growing ever stronger, casting bright rays through the cracks in the drapes…, I slipped his arms gently from my neck, ever conscious not to startle him out of sleep…, I didn’t want a repeat of earlier. Now untangled, I eased out from under him, and went to take care of my own need.

It’s amazing what you think about, with that first…, blissful…, moment of the day. I have often heard, that guys do their best thinking in the bathroom. Couldn’t quite see it myself…, I mean, I have always wanted to just get it over with and get out. Having said that though, there was one exception…, that was the shower, there I was able to get some good thinking done, not too mention other…, ‘Interesting’ pursuits. I did think about it…, I could certainly have used one…, the thought, however, was short lived. Really don’t have time for that, I thought, padding quietly into Corey’s bathroom. It’s funny really how the body remembers things…, without even looking, or really paying attention at all…, I stepped through the door, turned halfway…, and in one motion, reached down for the seat, all the while readying myself. It wasn’t until I was well under way, that I remembered this was my childhood bedroom…, and of course, bathroom. Why I hadn’t remembered that fact, was beyond me…, but, there it was. To be honest I couldn’t even remember, the last time I had been in there.

Finally focused into the morning, and now looking around…, I found that the décor hadn’t ever changed that much over the years. The tiles were still the same creamy beige colour, that they had been when I was his age. Even the wall paper had stood the test of time, though I noticed, looking carefully…, I could see the edges starting to pull up at the corners. In fact.., as I stood there, still looking around…, the nostalgia took hold. I couldn’t help but smile as I washed my hands in the sink. I had been looking into the mirror…, staring at the shower. The curtain was closed, but thinking about it…, I could still remember it, in vivid detail. Ducking my head through the door, to see that Corey was still asleep for the moment…, I went over to the stall. Pulling back the curtain, I was shocked.., it was disgusting! When the fuck, was the last time you cleaned this thing boy!? Should really do something about that… Still though, the smile never left my face. Under the dirt and grime, it too hadn’t changed…, reminiscing, my hand slowly caressed the wall…, where years ago my knee had been forced through the thin plaster.

I can still remember the look on Mark’s face, he was in so much pain…, not physical pain…, it had been my knee after all. No, his pain was the direct result, of the concern he felt for hurting me…, coupled with the giggling laughter he was trying so hard to suppress. The images flashed through my mind…, my god they were so vivid! Almost…, like it was happening now…, right at this moment. If I looked back over my shoulder…, would I see the beautiful lean, sun kissed toned body, of my then seventeen year old lover. I could remember him trying desperately to stifle that laugh…, the one that I loved so much. His sexy short fingers, covering his even more beautiful mouth. He had been leaning against the counter…, as I had just kicked him out of the shower. Climbing out myself…, I had looked down at my knee. I’d gotten that sick, kind of dizzy feeling, seeing the blood running in a steady flow. His laughter died then…, fading…, like the slow whisper of an evening breeze. Concern took over, in the boy I loved….

“Fuck’s sake Dickhead…, how am I gonna explain this…?”

“…Jesus…, fuck it babe…, I’m so sorry…, let me look…”

Before I could even reply, he was on his knees in front of me. Sliding his hand gently behind my knee, pulling it up slowly, so I wouldn’t lose my balance. I had to put my hand on his shoulder for support, as I could feel the jolts of shock, start to run through my tired body. It had, until a few minutes ago, been subjected to, a pretty heavy session of lovemaking…, right up until, Mark had gotten a little too frisky. He had thrusted so hard…, my knee that had been pressed against the side of the shower, had pushed through the wall. Jesus Christ! This hurts like fuck!, I thought…, but as he looked up at me with a sad, sorry smile…, all I could do was smile back lovingly. To be honest I was furious…, but not at him…, I could never stay angry at him for long…, I was furious at my own stupidity. I knew we were far too big to do that in the shower…, we weren’t kids anymore. But, like the lovesick puppy I was…, I had let him. I just couldn’t say no to him….

“It doesn’t look too bad bud…, won’t need stitches any way…, just lots of little cuts all bleeding together.”

“Geez…, that’s comforting!”

“Hey! … I said I was sorry!”

“I know dude…, I’m sorry too…, I just don’t know how I’m gonna explain it to dad…, what the fuck am I gonna do man?”

“We’ll fix it babe…, don’t worry…, here, sit down on the toilet, so I can clean this up better.”

While I sat down, taking the load of my pained knee…, he fished around in the cupboard, under the counter. We were lucky I guess…, thinking about it. Mom and Dad, were away visiting Shelly and Sean…, they’d left the day before…, hence why Mark had stayed over. The fact that, it had been my mom that suggested he stay over…, was somehow, very funny to me right now. We were usually pretty cautious, when the folks were around, but we kinda let loose when they were away. Too loose this time…, and I was pretty sure it was going to cost me. Though how…, I did not yet know. Moments later Mark popped his head out, from behind the cupboard door, wielding my first aid kit. My parents were the safety conscious types…, there was one in every bathroom. Still on his knees, he crawled over to where I was sitting, and proceeded to clean and dress my many cuts. His touch was so gentle and loving…

“You’re gonna make a fine doctor some day bud…., hmmm…, maybe not.., sexy nurse perhaps?”

“Ha! … You still on that…, Army dude…, Army.”

“Ok…, Sexy Army doctor then.” I said, smiling.

It was a running joke between us…, well, it was to him…, I was deadly serious. I knew he didn’t want to do it, but I also knew that he should. He was just so smart, better grades than me even…, and I was no slouch in that department either…, well, except for science. As far as academics went, he was the consummate leader. If he didn’t make valedictorian next year…, well, I don’t know…, but he should, that’s for sure. I had been trying so hard, the last few years to steer him towards college…, anything but what he wanted. As much as I tried though, he had his heart set…, all he wanted to be, was a soldier…, a leader of men. I knew he’d be good at it, he was good at everything he put his mind too…, but that did nothing to make me feel any better…, Jesus what a waste. Still didn’t stop me trying, to convince him otherwise though. Me? Well…, I knew what I wanted…, Navy all the way baby…, just like Dad, before he retired.

“But you’re too pretty for the Army…, why not Navy like me…?”

“Can we not do this now? … Please? Kinda busy here…”

“Alright dude…, I’ll leave you alone…, but I’m not quitting…, you’re better than that, and you know it…, you’re just too goddamn stubborn.”

“I’M STUBBORN!? … Fuck me…, look who’s talking!”

“Fuck you? … No wait…, Fuck you!”

“Ah…? … Weren’t you just doing that…?” He said, with a giggle. “There you go babe…, all fixed.”

He had done a decent job…, but then, I wasn’t surprised. The smallest of the cuts had already scabbed over, and the rest, he had used butterfly bandages and band-aids. As a final touch, he leaned over, placed his hands either side, and planted gentle, small, delicate kisses all over my knee. It’s weird, and I really can’t understand it, but as he did that…, what little pain I had left, just floated away. Almost as if his love, had pushed it to the back of my mind. I don’t know what it was…, but I must have done something pretty decent in my life to deserve this guy. Smiling, I looked down at him, as he looked up at me. I burst out laughing at what I saw…, I couldn’t help it…, he was wiggling his eyebrows, a sexy mischievous grin plastered all over his beautiful face….

“You know? … We never did finish…” He said, sliding his soft hands, slowly up my thigh.

We did finish…, like I said…, I could never say no to him. Later that afternoon, we had gone out to the garage, and gotten some spackle to fix the hole. It was a decent job, but it still amazes me to this day, that dad never spotted it…, well if he did, he never mentioned it anyway. Stepping back into what was now Corey’s room, after seeing the disaster he called his bathroom…, I took a look around. God what a mess! I thought, taking it all in. Corey had never been the most clean of people, but the last few weeks had really taken their toll, on his already over taxed bedroom. Clothes were strewn about the floor, books upended and scattered…, even his deck, was lying in disrepair. That one was the most telling…, and the most sad. My nephew was a very accomplished boarder…, I had until that moment thought, that nothing, would have ever gotten in the way of that. How could I have let this get so far?

He had his appointment today, with the headshrinker…, and though, he said he would be fine, I decided that I wasn’t going to let him go alone. How could I? I had done this to him…, I needed to try and help fix it. Quickly ducking back into my own room, I changed shirts, and threw a pair of shorts, over my boxers. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror…, I looked terrible, but it would have to do for the moment. Walking over to the dresser, I picked up my phone, and thumbed through the address book. It rang twice, before the line clicked open…

“Cameran?”

“Yeah Skipper…, I’ve got Corey’s appointment with the headshrinker this morning…, so I need a personal day…, can you swing it?”

“For those boys…, anything Cameran…, you know that…, I do need you to come in sometime this week though…, there is something we need to talk about…, something you’ll like I’m sure.”

“Sounds interesting…, any hints?”

“Nope…, gotta make my staff sweat occasionally…, commanders prerogative…” He said with a chuckle.

“Well alright then…, thanks boss…, I owe you one.”

“Actually you owe me several…, but I’ve stopped counting!”

The line clicked dead, and I threw the phone onto my bed…, before heading to Dale’s room. I knew there was no point in stopping at Carl’s…, unless they weren’t there of course. Getting close, the noises were unmistakable, I almost felt sorry interrupting them…, almost. I knocked on the door anyway, and as I did, I heard some pretty rapid shuffling…, then a muffled “Come in”. Waiting a second longer…, just to make sure…, I opened and then stepped through the door. I didn’t need to see what they had been up to…., I could smell it. Sweaty teen boys at…, play, was the only word my mind could register right now. I shut that out of it, however. To be honest, I really didn’t care anymore…

“Hey guys…, I won’t be long…, can you two make yourselves scarce after breakfast?”

“Sure Cam…, we can do that…, what’s up?”

Dale wouldn’t have asked.., he would have just trusted my judgement. Carl was, even now, still new to the situation. Evidenced strongly, by the gentle slap he received from his boyfriend. It really was rather cute actually…, they looked every bit the loving couple I knew them to be…, even this early in the morning. At least some things were working out as they should. Though to be fair, if they were going to be making a habit of sleeping together, Dale was going to need a larger bed.

“Corey’s appointment…, my wallets on the dresser…, take some cash and go out for the day…, ok?”

“OH! … Shit! Sorry Cam…, sure.”

I had to smile…, he may have been a little slow, on the way things worked around here, but he would always get there in the end. As I closed the door, I caught a glimpse of the calendar on the wall…, the seventh was circled in bright pink…, Shit…, the boy’s birthday…, I’d almost forgotten! It was the twin’s birthday this Saturday…, in all the fuss of the last weeks I had let that fact, slip my mind…, another thing I had to get sorted. I would have to call Reggie…, she won’t have forgotten…, I bet she has something planned. With that in mind, I crept back into Corey’s bedroom. While I waited for him to wake…, I started cleaning. I don’t know why I did it…, even knowing that I really shouldn’t…, I just felt like I had to do something. After a while, I had most of the surface clutter squared away. Then sighting movement from the corner of my eye…, I turned to my nephew, as he sort of…, half rolled, on to his tummy…, to look back behind him. He did actually look better this morning…, but I had to admit…, he had regressed somewhat. The kid that I saw, was more reminiscent of the teary, uncertain, eight year old boy, from five years…, that I had taken into my arms…, rather than, the almost fourteen year old he now was. Rubbing his bleary, sleep covered eyes, he looked over at me…

“Uncle Cam…?”

“Yeah bud…, I’m still here…” I said, moving to sit down on the bed next to him.

Written by bigct/Octavius

January 20, 2010 at 18:01

7 Responses

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  1. How do you do it?
    Is all I got to say, … you tie it altogether so well. Full Circle funny you kinda of hinted to it but didn’t get it … ( air headed sometimes ) . Not liking this story coming to a end , by no means. But as they say the show can’t go on forever. I would if I could read this one until the end of time. ( That a hint by the way , to write more man)

    Well what ever you write , I hope you share it with me. ( point me to the way man)

    So looking forward on how you take this one out only to see where we go ( not on it ending) . I wish for hundred more chapters, myself …. lol

    Lee

    Lee

    January 20, 2010 at 18:48

    • Dude, only the story ‘arc’ is ending. The story itself will continue.
      CT.

      bigct

      January 21, 2010 at 00:07

  2. Awesome. Enough said.

    Dawngreeter

    January 20, 2010 at 22:55

  3. Great stuff CT. Looking for more. Gets better evry chapter.

    Reddecatur

    January 21, 2010 at 01:51

  4. Again, amazing job. Nice touch with the bathroom scene. Added even more depth to Cam’s ambiguous past. Keep up the great work.

    Like Lee, I also read your post wrong the first time and thought the story was ending, but I’m glad that was a screw up on my end and the story is continuing.

    -Kevin

    stickypants

    January 21, 2010 at 10:12

  5. Wonderful chapter! I loved the bathroom scene, present and past. I’m glad to see Cam finally beginning to deal with his past.

    Biki

    January 31, 2010 at 21:28

  6. 🙂

    Beach

    May 6, 2012 at 11:44


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